REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 10/24/11

Let’s leave it there for a moment, shall we, and head on over to Lisa’s friend Mohammed’s for a little chat. You might remember Mohammed, and his house, from last season, when he hosted the dinner party at which Lisa and Mr. Lisa introduced Kimmy to Mr. Lisa’s doppelganger, Martin, who spooked our Kimmy at first glance. Me, too. It seems Mohammed and his nodding yum-yum want to have an engagement party for Pandora, and it is going to be Arabian Nights themed. Do you really need a theme for an engagement party? Isn’t “future happy marriage” theme enough? I guess I am just not imaginative enough to keep up with the BH 9ers. Personally I think this is all a justification for Mo to put his hookah and the Cost Plus World Market throw pillows in his Secret Room to use. Oh, and he needs a reason to rent a camel. Don’t we all.

So exactly who is Mohammed and how did he come to have such inexcusably long Vidal Sassoon hair, such a young catsuited girlfriend, and such a grandiose estate? I tried to find out, and all Google could tell me is that his name is supposedly Mohammed Hamid and he’s in real estate. Google also told me that there is a Mohammed Hamid who is a vice president of the country of India, several Mohammed Hamids involved in legal disputes with the Department of Justice, and one Mohammed Hamid who is an investment CONSULTANT REAL ESTATE (his caps) on Twitter and is not our host. So I don’t know, but hope we learn more next week.

Time to get our chillax on at Adrienne’s Spa Party! Our Miss Oof loves to beautify, so she had a full spa built right in the Palais! Lisa’s nose is a bit out of joint because they’ve been neighbors all this time and she didn’t even know the spa was there, but that’s because Bernie had Charlie Sheen locked in the sauna with the Goddesses and it was an ugly scene until ServiceMaster could get in to clean. Adrienne makes her way down the treacherous staircase cautiously and in full camo: a barber-pole striped clingy maxi dress in black-and-taupe that perfectly matches her skin/hair/eyeshadow. Look! I’m invisible! Adrienne’s called in the big guns: 2 manicurists, 3 masseuses, 2 aestheticians, 3 waiters, and Bernie the Enforcer to man the spray tanner. And here we go again with the drinks-and-desserts only deal, except I am pretty sure I spotted tamales and they didn’t look like “dessert tamales” to me.

Kyle is the first to arrive in a perfect I Dream of Jeannie pony, not a hair out of place. And Bernie LOVES Kyle which should tell us a lot. He practically gets giddy on the sight of her and begs her to taste his edible gold. HEY! (Wasn’t someone eating bits of gold on another show I watched not long ago? It’s all running together at this point…I want to say it was the show on E! with the kids who were robbing actual celebrities’ homes, but I can’t be certain.). Lisa rolls in geared up in Robert Palmer shoulder pads and accompanied by someone named Wendy who never speaks or otherwise affects events, followed by Camille in a Flashdance sweatshirt. What a feeling! Kimmy’s superlate, of course, because she was out shopping for that hideous shirt at Big Lots. And who is the big black-haired lady? It looks like Callie from Grey’s Anatomy. She lurks throughout this segment, but speaks not.

Once changed into their silky dressing gowns, the Richards Chicks head out for a tramp, where Kyle shares that her bladder is not what it was before birthing Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and of course her favorite child Portia. (Portia’s my favorite, too.) Kimmy has no such problems after having her own four children, or so she thinks…. You know, Kyle has some very large boobs happening. I can’t really say I’ve noticed them before, but she must be wearing a very sturdy bra. She’s a petite woman, maybe she finds them a burden rather than an accessory. She does seem to cover them up more than the others. The things we learn when we all get together as girlfriends…