With time to kill we now have four filler glimpses of our Housewives in Real Life:
· Kyle’s having her annual Cinco de Mayo party and thank Jesus Christo El Hombre for her ladysitter Justin because that girl just doesn’t know how to arrange carrots. She does, however, know Mauricio’s pants with the big brass badge on the butt look much better with brown shoes than black. Faye Resnick and Ali Landry are there as semi-celebrity guests, and Mauricio is a proud Mexican. And I am proud of him. Ole!
· Lisa’s touring Sur, which is under a very sexy renovation, wearing a pantsuit that would make Hillary Clinton proud if only she’d tied a cashmere sweater around her shoulders. Ken wants to be retired but instead he’s carrying a dog in pajamas around yet another construction site. Lisa’s all mad because if you time your entrance right, you just might spot someone sitting on the can in the bathroom as you arrive at Sexy Sur. The contractor tries to distract Lisa from this scenario with flattery, but she doesn’t need a bloody ass-kisser. And if she did, Mario’s free!
· While Adrienne’s unpacking her sample hooker shoes, Dr. Paul comes looking for her shouting “Yo, Adrienne!” Which my husband found hilarious so I had to fit it in.
· And finally, Kim is doing the wash and eating Cheetos with an ice water chaser in her laundry room. And now she’s in rehab. After doing all her ITMs for the entire season in one fell swoop, dressed in her pink-and-gold lame leopard print necktie straitjacket. Yes, all signs indicate something is wrong here.
10 minutes idled away and we can no longer avoid the central plot point of this episode, The Party Where Taylor Loses Her Shiitake. (I know it seems like we’ve had this party before, but this is The Big One.) Camille is no dummy and is bringing The Apostle and her big girl friend, Elizabeth, who isn’t me. I’m sure I’m fuller of figure than Camille, but hopefully not quite that zaftig. Taylor, meanwhile, is coming with Kyle, who’s got some hippie hair thing happening that I just don’t get. I’m going to invite Kyle to join Pinterest and get some new hair ideas. Kyle is on Team T and yet feels a little confused, because she doesn’t know how to ask Taylor about the abuse allegations. She thinks Taylor doesn’t want Russell to know what’s been said about the relationship, but didn’t he know this last week in the bizarre limo ride conversation? I’m so confused. Anyway, Taylor doesn’t want to fix it with Camille, and Camille wants no drama, which pretty much guarantees the hamsters are about to all escape the wheel. Every. Last. One.
Great post Elizabeth!!