Camille may be inadequately prepared for this showdown, but she looks fabu. Her dress is the most perfect almost-teal shade of turquoise and I love the cutouts and back. Love. Adrienne, meanwhile, is tied into a draped Hefty bag with an overwhelmingly large leopard belt. And then there’s Brandi, with her nipples, and her visible thong. I thought the whole point of thongs was that you don’t see them? When you see the thong, something needs adjustment, ladies. Anyway, the whole braless thing was pretty bold but – and I know this is surprising coming from me – I thought she pulled it off! After three kids I am prone to Picasso nipples myself, but Brandi was arranged just fine so who cares? And how’s she supposed to wear a bra with that dress anyway? As Camille says, nipples are in this season!
Anyway, after boozing it up in logjam traffic on empty stomachs, Kyle and Taylor pull up to the door (I find it so strange how every door on the Malibu coast is basically right there on the very edge of the highway), and Kyle informs Taylor that “whatever happens, we’re going to have fun”. Famous last words, sister, especially when Brandi greets them with a screech that “we’re all drunk!”. Brandi’s prepared for this event by arming herself with a few friends, and one of them is Jennifer from Celebrity Rehab. What the hell? She appears very secure in her sobriety, I’ll give her that, but this seems like a bad idea. Or planning ahead, not sure where this is going.
Upon entry, Taylor is immediately confronted with Camille, who offers what seems to be a heartfelt “I’m sorry” and a genuinely compassionate hug, which is reciprocated with what has to be the world’s most awkward faux hug (a fug?) back. “That was nice”, comments The Apostle, and Camille shoots her a glare that speaks a thousand words. I have come to love Camille this year, much as I have come to love Phaedra. Everyone Knows who the smart chicks are.
Brandi tries to make nice with Kyle by complimenting her on her very long marriage to her very hot husband, and Kyle responds by getting her back all up about Mauricio’s hotness. Girl, settle. Brandi’s not the one who cheated, she got cheated ON. Very important distinction: bitter, not slutty. Adrienne isn’t going to belly dance. Did you know Adrienne is turning 50 this year? She sure is. And she’s acting like her Poise pad is out of place. Yo, Adrienne! Get adjusted, and loosen up!
Great post Elizabeth!!