Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 1/27/15

I should be happy. I should be thrilled. Because on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we were treated to the two most magnificent sights in all the land: Yolanda’s perfect glass refrigerator and Lisa Vanderpump’s spectacular closet. But I find that I am unable to maintain the joy that the sight of Lisa’s purses and Yolanda’s lemons normally give me because what the episode really centered on was the continuing decent of Kim Richards, a tragic and broken shell of a woman who should never have been cast on a reality show that’s not called Intervention.

Here’s the thing: when she’s sober, Kim is not all that interesting. She speaks only of her children and of the past success she had as a child star and her voice is tremulous and shredded from years of smoking cigarettes and crying into glasses of chardonnay. When she’s off whatever wagon she was momentarily being dragged down the street by, she is vacant and infantile and prone to lashing out at the wrong … Continue reading

January 28th, 2015 | 2 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 1/20/15

Ladies and gentlemen, hell has frozen over.

That’s right – you should grab bottles of water and canned goods and take cover and prepare for the following: swarms of locusts, Lindsay Lohan becoming the most reliable actress of our time, and the Kardashian family at large developing some real talent. Yes, the world – at least the world as I know it – has ended, because tonight on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I found myself really rooting for Kyle Richards.

I wish someone had cued me into the fact that the first twenty minutes of the show was just filler. I could have spent that time folding my laundry or reading Dostoevsky or counting my teeth using only my tongue in order to collect the strength I’d need to simply view the real portion of the episode when Kim went legitimately batsh*t crazy, Brandi became a slurring enabler, Kyle showed more true fear than she ever has on this show before, and Lisa R became the new Goddess of Truth, who I … Continue reading

January 21st, 2015 | 1 Comment | Posted in Uncategorized

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 1/13/15

The Beverly Hills version of the Real Housewives series has always struck me as the platinum standard of the franchise. Sure, the women from New York own spacious mansions in the Hamptons that come complete with tennis courts and perfectly manicured sprawling lawns, and the women from New Jersey live in homes stuffed with the largest Baroque-style of furniture ever measured by modern man. Not to be outdone, the ladies from the O.C., who first brought this televised aspirational version of Dante’s hell into our living rooms, have the largest breast implants of all the women combined, but those distinctions simply do not matter. Because it is the group whose zip code is 90210 or 90210-adjacent who bring the real glam to those of us who watch the program while wearing sweatpants.

It seems important that I tell you that I have watched every single episode of every single season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I haven’t been able to fully commit to the other incarnations of the Housewives phenomenon, one that I … Continue reading

January 14th, 2015 | 4 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized