Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 2/24/15

February 25th, 2015 | 4 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized

So Kim is furious at Lisa, but she is not going to say anything to her. Instead, she will just ignore Lisa – while they are sitting across from one another on a small private plane because that’s what grown-ups do and Kim knows that for sure because she read it in some literature from Alcoholics Anonymous once when she was hammered. But Lisa is a grown-up, so when she notices the frail blonde giving her the kind of looks that maybe I gave once to someone in a mall when I was twelve, Lisa asks Kim directly, “Kim, are you okay? Are you mad at me?”

And like that scary pop-up toy that probably terrified you when you were a child, Kim’s top blows and she glares at Lisa and says the following to a woman who saw with her very own eyes that Kim was medicated out of her skull: “You worry about your own family. Stop talking about me. I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs that I shouldn’t. End of story.”

Trying to explain where her concern stems from, Lisa referenced the night that Kim randomly turned to her in a car and started whispering, “f*ck you,” like she was a murderous stripper on meth in a wannabe-Tarantino movie, but Kim was having none of that truth being brought to light.

“Drop it,” Kim hissed. “I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for Kim Richards, the embodiment of both accountability and sobriety!

Watching the mess unfold in front of her eyes was Kyle, who sat cowering behind her coat. She was so upset that she forgot to turn the label of the coat towards the lens of the camera, something I think probably continues to haunt her, and she was so embarrassed that this all of this insanity took place in front of Babyface, who was on the private plane with them. See, Kyle is one of those people who is very excited by celebrity and her own proximity to celebrities, and while I also wouldn’t want my sister to lose her sh*t in public, I’m not sure that it would be the presence of Babyface that tossed me over the edge and into a mud pit of humiliation.

When the ladies touch down in Calgary, the first stop on the Bravo-sponsored Tour Of Gloom, Yolanda, Kyle, and Lisa R. ride together over to the charity event that Yolanda’s husband is throwing to raise money for organ donations. Kim and Brandi will be joining the group a little later that night and Lisa V. and Eileen will be meeting them in Amsterdam. Yolanda is clad in a silver gown that makes her look icy in the best possible way and Lisa is in head to toe black, looking both feminine and edgy. And Kyle is in a black jumpsuit that has lace in odd places and she is dripping in diamonds and in long hair and I want to stick her in front of a mirror somewhere – Kyle loves mirrors – and tell her to turn around in a circle and that the thing that stands out alarmingly from her outfit should be the thing that she removes before she walks out the door.

In this case, it would be every single thing that she is wearing.

Yolanda mentions to Lisa that she hopes that Kim’s aggressive behavior on the plane has not tarnished the trip, and Lisa just kind of shakes her head and says, “I got the message loud and f*cking clear.” She will not say anything to Kim anymore, even though she is only responding to behavior that has been caught on camera and even though she personally watched her husband’s two brothers keel over from alcoholism and even though her own husband made a choice to be sober and to change his own destiny and even though she is sane and Kim is out of her f*cking mind.

At the event for the David Foster Foundation, Kim moves away from where Lisa is sitting and we hear her say in an interview, “I don’t harbor resentment,” which would be unintentionally hilarious if it weren’t so very sad. Just one commercial break later, when the women arrive in Amsterdam, Kim will bring up to Kyle all the times Kyle got mad when Kim ran late over the years. It is an accusation apropos of just about nothing, and Kim conveniently leaves out the part of the story that while her sister waited and waited for her to show up in those boozy days, Kyle wasn’t simply annoyed by Kim’s tardiness; she was afraid that the reason her sister wasn’t showing up was because she was dead somewhere.

Kim is a very sad woman. I’m guessing that she probably has had a very challenging life, one where money and fame were always celebrated more than anything else – and that sucks – but she’s also an adult and she is both cruel and vicious and I’m entirely sick of her.

But back at the glitzy benefit, things are looking up. Yolanda makes a speech about her husband, a man I just find to be a walking embodiment of sinister subtext, but I also cannot deny that his foundation raises money for an excellent cause, so I’m going to go lock my door and pretend that I won’t be haunted by nightmares of David Foster. I will take some Tylenol PM to get myself to fall asleep and I’m gonna do it for the sake of philanthropy! Foster takes the stage with Babyface and then with a country singer and with a woman who sings opera and the women all look like they are having a wonderful time and a ton of money is being raised for the cause and it’s a nice thing to see.

Watching Kyle dancing onstage with Steven Tyler while wearing a black lace jumpsuit that would only look good on Steven Tyler almost ruined my mood, but I’ll find a way to elevate it once the women arrive in Amsterdam. I call this little plan of mine “active viewing” – and I’m on the lookout now for a billiard table.

Nell Kalter teaches Film and Media at a school in New York. She is the author of the books THAT YEAR and STUDENT, both available on amazon. Check out her website at nellkalter.com. Her twitter is @nell_kalter.

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