About a month ago – for the first time in more than a decade – I found myself totally obsessed with the NCAA tournament. It sort of started by accident. See, I like to leave the television on while I’m at work so my puppy doesn’t feel so alone and I guess I’m willing to pretend that the people on TV make her feel like she’s got company. Usually I put on CNN so she can stay informed, but one day I started to grow concerned that her fragile baby canine mind maybe shouldn’t be exposed to the tragedies currently plaguing the world – you know, terrorism, people who don’t believe global warming is real, Trump’s views on women – so I decided to put on a different channel before I left the house. I think Married With Children was airing as I walked out the door at the ass-crack of dawn. I heard a loud roar of canned laughter and the unmistakable growl of Al Bundy and sure, I worried that Tallulah would watch … Continue reading →

A long time ago, in a galaxy not completely controlled by amazon.com, people used to go to bookstores. It was actually a really lovely way to spend some time. You could browse for hours while good music played at the perfect volume overhead and, should you feel a little pang of hunger, you could wander into the café and procure yourself an almost perfect latte and a Rice Krispie treat the size of your head. One of my boyfriends and I used to spend a lot of time at our local Borders. We were young – in our very early twenties – and we didn’t really have a whole lot of money. Both of us were just months out of college and we each lived with our parents. It was tough returning from the freedom of college and entering homes that were no longer places we wanted to be, so it became borderline essential for us to get out of the house as often as possible. We’d spend a lot of dark evenings and some … Continue reading →

I cannot possibly be the only one these days suffering from intense Housewives malaise, right? It’s a real problem, my friends, but being the proactive type, I have taken steps to try to remedy the issue. My first act – flinging my cable box through a plate glass window – only ended up creating further (and bloody) problems, so I’ve decided to head back to the basics and deal with my challenge logically. It’s not all that hard to figure out what’s causing me to visibly recoil any time I see an adult female in an evening gown hold out a piece of fruit. Simply stated, I’m getting really f*cking tired of watching grown women fight about pure nonsense and then get paid for it so I have recently taken some important steps to at least attempt to alleviate my pain:

Step 1: Cut several incarnations of the Housewives from my life like I’m hacking off a limb rotted with gangrene. I was able to accomplish this particular goal rather easily. “Au revoir, New Jersey … Continue reading →