And now back to our show. On tonight’s episode of RHOBH, Kyle’s moved into her dream house, and the crap she wouldn’t let Mauricio throw out is now strewn all over the front lawn. Bahna bahna! Bahna bahna bahna ba, bahna bahna (chicka-chicka-wah), bahna bahna bahna bah…
Kyle reveals she secured the premises by channeling her energy to claim it. In other words, she parked out front day in and day out chanting with her astrologist and blasting “Achy Breaky Heart” until the previous owners, fearing a boiled bunny, fled. What works in Waco works equally well in the BH.
Flopsy, Mopsy, and a half-dressed Faye Resnick arrive to assess the situation and argue with Mauricio about the red pool table he secured at a recent bordello closeout. Mauricio and the seven dwarves scoot the table this way and that while Kyle and Faye kibbutz about whether it needs to be perpendicular or in the garage with the chandelier. Kyle and Mauricio have a very lucky marriage. Boring.
Off to Vanderpump (CLAP) it up with Lisa in her colossal closet. A whole section of pink, a whole section of black, and I hope that jewelry laid out all over the bureau is fake because that’s not smart thinking unless Mary Amons is handling your security and hooked you up with an eyeball scanner. Lisa is packing for two days in Colorado and it looks like she’s going to pop Giggy in his baby suit right into the case. But no! Giggy can’t go! Which is unfortunate because I was really looking forward to seeing Giggy stuffed into a snowsuit like Ralphie’s little brother in A Christmas Story. Lisa is emotional about leaving Giggy behind and gives him a big French kiss.
What would possibly make Lisa leave her beloved Gigs and Mr. Lisa behind to go off on an outing of unaccustomed albeit moderate activity level? It’s time for the Real Housewives Field Trip! Last season they went to Camille’s gay husband’s Broadway premiere; this season he’s ditched her for a new beard so they are going for a last hurrah at The Chateau Camille in Beaver Creek, Colorado. What to wear skiing, asks Lisa of her womanservant? The pink fur superhero cape? How about this white fuzzy getup? Giggy begins to snarl, wardrobe issues solved. Lisa is not looking forward to melting in a pot of Taylor, but she’s going because Bravo said so and that’s all there is to it.
Meanwhile, back at the Oof-Ifs, I’m relieved to see Adrienne still has the guard dog Paul gave her for her last birthday because I was worried this new snippy thing had been a replacement. Adrienne has even more tinsel in her hair, and she’s packing three bags for this excursion, one strictly for mountain-inappropriate footwear. Adrienne’s not sure she’s going to ski because she tore her minutia and needs a knee brace. In the privacy of their Golden Bedroom, where The Magic Happens, Adrienne begins to lecture Dr. Paul in the ways and hows of childcare for the next two days. Namely: don’t drive too fast and don’t turn to talk to Gavin in the car (have your discussions prior to launch, says she). My great-grandmother famously had a similar conversation with a nanny before going out: don’t do this, and don’t do that. The nanny jokingly replied “and don’t put beans up your nose”. And that, dear friends, is what resulted in my Uncle Eugene having beans extricated from his sinuses on the dining room table and left him known to one and all as Beanie for the rest of his 80+ years. Adrienne, consider yourself warned.
Love!
Not only have you now recapped another favorite of mine – TS:JD, but you did so in my honor! I seriously am developing quite the girl crush on you!
Loved this blog, by the way. YOU funny, man!
Hi Elizabeth,
Really enjoying yur BH recaps. One small correction concerning the German Shepherd. That’s not the one Paul gave Adrienne last year. They already had this one. They had to find anothern home for the gift dog because of the children. Had something to do with the dog and boys not being compatible o something similar.
Keep up the good work.
Hello, I’ve enjoyed your recaps of the RHOBH, I have to say the only RH show I do watch, it’s more entertaining, I like the women more and Giggy, well he’s just so adorable, but yes, I keep thinking, does that dog ever get to walk? and I love my dog but to have him sit at the table while you eat? I have to draw the line and it’s having a dog at the dinner table.
Entertaining recap funny and just a little snarky which I love.
I recall seeing Villa Bianca in an episode of either Millionaire Matchmaker with Patti Stanger (also a Bravo show) or it was Million Dollar Listing. What I do remember is that Mauricio was on Million Dollar Listing doing a deal with Josh Altman. I’m just waiting for one of the girls to have Jeff Lewis redesign their house, talk about cross overs.
Can’t wait for the next recap, great job.