Meanwhile, back in LA, Paul, sexxxxxy Mauricio, and Mr. Lisa are out on a date. Paul is hazing Mauricio into smoking a Cuban cigar and after one puff Mauricio turns green and throws up in the planter. Then he rallies and suggests they go heliskiing. Mr. Lisa will hereafter be played by Pig I Won’t. Russell isn’t there, again, so they decide to talk about him behind his back, again. Paul announces there’s his side, her side, and then the truth. Mauricio agrees. (He’s very agreeable.) Then Mr. Lisa says he still doesn’t believe in therapy because he’s a crotchety old Brit (Mauricio agrees), but he feels bad about having said so out loud because he likes Taylor and she went and hid in the loo. Looks like we’re not going to be having a beer summit in red leather pants after all.
Back to the ladies, and now we’re getting down to bidness because they’re all vaaaaaaaaguely discussing the allegations that Russell is violent with Taylor. Lisa asks Taylor why she doesn’t believe she deserves better. Adrienne opines that two happy homes are better than one sad one (didn’t that remark get recycled into People magazine after they split?) and that Taylor shouldn’t stay because she’s afraid to be alone. Taylor wails that she is in love with Russell, which prompts Kim to come over and whack her in the face with her napkin like she’s beating the devil out of her ass at a revival. Can I get an AMEN?!
After a return flight to LAX on Frontier, Camille and her Apostle stroll the five-acre grounds to have a moment by the pond where the Apostle can wash Camille’s feet. Camille is thinking about moving because she misses having a partner and the 17,000 square foot house with eight bedrooms and 10.75 baths and a media room and gift wrap command center is just too much, but she doesn’t want to disrupt the kids. Unlike Frasier, who apparently thinks it would be a good idea to take the Salt to Chicago with him and leave Camille with the deadly Pepa. Camille explains to the Apostle that she supports Taylor and her efforts to mend her marriage through therapy. Frasier wouldn’t go to therapy, probably because Michele Bachmann’s husband didn’t have an opening in his gay-cure clinic that would work with Frasier’s tight schedule.
Kyle and sexxxxxxy Mauricio rendezvous at an upscale Mexican eatery and have to remember takeout platters for Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail. Portia wants tacos. Kyle’s afraid to tell Mauricio about the shitshow with the Creaky Beavers because she doesn’t want him to think they are all insane, but she does it anyway. Mauricio has a very deep voice. He sounds like a non-Austrian Ahnold Schwarzenegger. Kyle feels it was especially good for Kimmy to be out of the house and having fun. Mauricio is still hurt by Kim for having suggested he stole her house, and that maybe if she gets help and apologizes he might forgive her. I don’t know what he’s all mad about because it didn’t even make any sense, but he feels wronged. Poor Maury. From one stolen house to another.
The reason Mauricio is upset at Kim is her house was in his name. Kyle put her foot down and said he couldn’t keep paying Kim’s mortgage like a second wife. House was sold.
Hi. I really dont want to be rude, but your writing is really hard to follow. As a reader of Steve for years I like the way he writes and enjoy his column weekly. I just find that your too wordy, and just not a good read. Sorry, but I don’t think this is your calling. Please dont take it the wrong way, but it has to be said, I can’t read your columns because well they aren’t well written. Good try though!
I agree with brady6, I don’t care for the writing style in this column – but I want RS to continue having someone recap it, the show is rich (no pun intended) with material to roast them with…
I have no idea what those ladies are talking about and i hibk it’s pretty rude and ignorant to tell soneone to write like someone else. Maybe they don’t get you’re humor… I found your 1st ROBH recap hilarious. If anything I wish this 2nd recap was longer. You’re writing reminds me of television without pity recaps- keep up the good work!
I am new to the site and I have to agree with brady6. The writing is very wordy with a minute by minute account instead of a recap. I did enjoy the beginning with a short review of what is happening with other housewives.
brady6, addicted2rs, realitytvaddict: What is wrong with you people??? I was an English major in college, have my Master’s degree, and was an English teacher for 8 years before having a family and now working at home as a writer and artist, and I think Elizabeth’s column is PERFECT! I like that she recaps everything concisely and to the point and yet is able to throw in some hilarious short comments, too. Her spelling, punctuation, and grammar is flawless, and her vocabulary is varied enough to make it interesting, without being too difficult for the audience that watches RHBH and would read this column. I also like that her column is short. I love reality Steve’s writing and spoilers, but it’s pretty apparent that he was not an English major and writing was not his job before as his columns are full of errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I never knock him for it b/c he’s stated on many occasions that he doesn’t care about those things, and I just enjoy hearing his “voice” through his writing. Elizabeth here, though, is a true writer who also has her own writing “voice”, and I think she has indeed found her calling! Also, if you click on her links, writing is what she does for a living.
Elizabeth-
I love your column! I really love how you gave the news at the beginning- particularly the news about the Salahi’s- and I love how you stated “I’m not making this up”. It does seem so ridiculous to even think it could be true!
Also, I agree with you that Mauricio is sexy. Kyle is very fortunate, and to her credit, I think she knows it. I love how your recap is states your views in a witty way, and yet they reflect so much of what I (and probably many others) are thinking. For example: Mauricio being sexy, Taylor calming down for lip gloss and all things shiny, and Adrienne getting upset that Sacramento won’t build a new state-of-the-art stadium for her basketball team. She obviously doesn’t live in the “real world” and realize that there’s a MAJOR recession going on in this country and most people, businesses, towns, cities, heck- even our own COUNTRY- don’t have a lot of money right now.
Anyway, I was wondering how anyone could write a funny recap on this week’s show considering how utterly DEPRESSING this week’s show was, but somehow you managed to do it. The whole show I kept feeling so terrible for Taylor since we all know what ends up happening after all of this was filmed. Very sad. Please ignore some of the detractors of your column, and keep writing. This si what you are meant to do in life!