Lisa and Mr. Lisa are visiting their other little restaurant, Sur. Sur is Sexy, and Sur is ready to spread out and get comfy because the space next door is vacant. Giggy is wearing a burgundy velour leisure suit that matches the Sur menu, which seems like a somewhat dangerous choice to my mind, but no one asked me anyway. Mr. Lisa wants to retire to Montecito, but Lisa wants to really get jiggy with Sexy Little Sur and is ready to put out a fourth time this year in order to get her way. A pair of galvanized metal bathtubs would be so perfect out on that patio.
Now we’re back at the Oof-Ifs stately manse where Dr. Paul is having a PB&J with Adrienne’s giant-for-hire, Johnnie, and assessing the security issues in Sacramento. It seems this is the Kings’ last game of the season, and because no one will give Adrienne and her brothers a brand-new arena in which their basketball team can play, they are thinking about moving somewhere else. Such as, I don’t know, Dubuque. And the Sacramentians are hopping mad about it and potentially might say nasty things and throw drinks into Suite M where the Oof-Ifs are meant to sit. Dr. Paul does not want his lady to go. Johnnie the Giant does not want Adrienne to go, either, because he doesn’t like to get wet and sticky. Adrienne loves getting wet and sticky and insists, so we’re off. Adrienne is suitably glitzed up while Paul has taken a page from Lisa’s lumberjack manual and is all flannelled out. One of these things is not like the other….
We pay a short visit to Taylor and her “life coach” where they decide that Taylor needs to stop inviting other people to share their opinions with her (a curious situation for someone who has elected to share her life with the world via reality television), and a side stop at the House of Kyle where she’s picking up the dog turds with Detective Portia, the Poop Policewoman, before returning to the executive terminal to fly to Sacramento, because Adrienne flies Frontier to Denver but private to Sacramento. Kim, of all people, is supposed to be meeting them there, but she’s late and very, very confused because her power went out. She’ll be there in 90 minutes. Adrienne is concerned that Kim’s bronchitis is acting up again. Paul thinks she sounds inebriated. Adrienne, naturally, disagrees with him, at which point Johnnie the Giant pipes up that Paul’s right and Kim’s f#$%ed up. Just telling it like it is. The Oof-Ifs and their giant head into the bar to wait.
Next time Leann Rimes’ nemesis crutches in to join the crew, and Lisa tells Taylor she needs to eat a sandwich. Until then…
Elizabeth
The reason Mauricio is upset at Kim is her house was in his name. Kyle put her foot down and said he couldn’t keep paying Kim’s mortgage like a second wife. House was sold.
Hi. I really dont want to be rude, but your writing is really hard to follow. As a reader of Steve for years I like the way he writes and enjoy his column weekly. I just find that your too wordy, and just not a good read. Sorry, but I don’t think this is your calling. Please dont take it the wrong way, but it has to be said, I can’t read your columns because well they aren’t well written. Good try though!
I agree with brady6, I don’t care for the writing style in this column – but I want RS to continue having someone recap it, the show is rich (no pun intended) with material to roast them with…
I have no idea what those ladies are talking about and i hibk it’s pretty rude and ignorant to tell soneone to write like someone else. Maybe they don’t get you’re humor… I found your 1st ROBH recap hilarious. If anything I wish this 2nd recap was longer. You’re writing reminds me of television without pity recaps- keep up the good work!
I am new to the site and I have to agree with brady6. The writing is very wordy with a minute by minute account instead of a recap. I did enjoy the beginning with a short review of what is happening with other housewives.
brady6, addicted2rs, realitytvaddict: What is wrong with you people??? I was an English major in college, have my Master’s degree, and was an English teacher for 8 years before having a family and now working at home as a writer and artist, and I think Elizabeth’s column is PERFECT! I like that she recaps everything concisely and to the point and yet is able to throw in some hilarious short comments, too. Her spelling, punctuation, and grammar is flawless, and her vocabulary is varied enough to make it interesting, without being too difficult for the audience that watches RHBH and would read this column. I also like that her column is short. I love reality Steve’s writing and spoilers, but it’s pretty apparent that he was not an English major and writing was not his job before as his columns are full of errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I never knock him for it b/c he’s stated on many occasions that he doesn’t care about those things, and I just enjoy hearing his “voice” through his writing. Elizabeth here, though, is a true writer who also has her own writing “voice”, and I think she has indeed found her calling! Also, if you click on her links, writing is what she does for a living.
Elizabeth-
I love your column! I really love how you gave the news at the beginning- particularly the news about the Salahi’s- and I love how you stated “I’m not making this up”. It does seem so ridiculous to even think it could be true!
Also, I agree with you that Mauricio is sexy. Kyle is very fortunate, and to her credit, I think she knows it. I love how your recap is states your views in a witty way, and yet they reflect so much of what I (and probably many others) are thinking. For example: Mauricio being sexy, Taylor calming down for lip gloss and all things shiny, and Adrienne getting upset that Sacramento won’t build a new state-of-the-art stadium for her basketball team. She obviously doesn’t live in the “real world” and realize that there’s a MAJOR recession going on in this country and most people, businesses, towns, cities, heck- even our own COUNTRY- don’t have a lot of money right now.
Anyway, I was wondering how anyone could write a funny recap on this week’s show considering how utterly DEPRESSING this week’s show was, but somehow you managed to do it. The whole show I kept feeling so terrible for Taylor since we all know what ends up happening after all of this was filmed. Very sad. Please ignore some of the detractors of your column, and keep writing. This si what you are meant to do in life!