REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 9/26/11

Meanwhile, back in LA, Kyle’s been busy planning a fundraiser for a children’s cancer charity with the aid of her able-bodied Ladysitter, Justin. Justin has some weirdly placed butt patches on his jeans. Kyle has never done this sort of thing before but Bravo has coaxed her into it, so she’s trying to gather crap from her friends for the silent auction. Some lucky winner went home with a boxful of One Night In Paris cologne and a case of crabs, that’s for sure.

Kyle is genuinely flustered about putting on this to-do, so while Justin is out picking up the Stank Concealer from her worn-hard-and-hung-up-wet niece, Kyle’s Actual Housewife Friend comes over to help sort it all out. I didn’t catch what this gal’s name was, but I like her. Her kid’s got a runny nose and she’s in black yoga pants like the rest of us, and she calls it for what it is. Brazilian Blow-Out: “Isn’t that illegal?” she asks, apparently having consulted with my mother who is very alarmed that I have been getting Keratin Express Blowouts, which are not the same thing. “Not illegal, just dangerous,” says Kyle. Well, in that case please sell it to someone and give the proceeds to a cancer charity! Anonymous Friend helps Kyle sort through her closetful of J.Lo for Kohl’s wear that she got on advance preview; Kyle feels good about wearing a gold spangled belt as a skirt, but questions whether a hot pink stretch satin tube is too forward looking. “You are trying to get people to give you money,” says Friend. “But I’m not a streetwalker,” says Kyle. “You kind of are.” SHAZAM. Thank you, everybody, and good night!

Somewhere amidst all this Taylor stops by in some seriously wobbly footwear and an otherwise casual denim ensemble with a copy of an “article” about her marriage that she printed off the internets. Russell is very upset that “detailed” information about their troubles has made it into the public orbit. Taylor is certain one of the Creaky Beavers told all about her meltdown in Colorado, because it says that she is way too skinny and all stressed out. Taylor believes this cannot be coincidental. But could it be evidence of: the POWER of OBSERVATION? Hmm. Anyway, the venue was probably Radar Online, and since there’s been a pro-Taylor anecdote on that site pretty much daily for the last six weeks methinks perhaps Shana Hughes of Oklahoma knows someone on the reporting staff. Taylor nonetheless points the finger at Lisa, but as my seven-year-old would say, whoever smelt it dealt it. And I think Kyle secretly agrees.

Since we have to pay a visit to Camille, this episode finds her and the Apostle shopping for wetsuits and paddleboards in advance of the family trip to Hawaii. And since we have to have a moment with Camille, we also have to have a flashback to last season’s Hawaii trip where Camille flashed her butt cleavage while hopping into the hot tub, right on, with a big fat hairy guy named Karl who is apparently a friend of Frasier’s and who knew all along that Frasier had hired a new beard. But instead of ratting Frasier out, Karl chillaxed in the hot tub with Camille’s big blue bazooms and told her how HAWWWWWWWWT she was. Camille is no longer in touch with Karl, probably because at the end of that scene she discovered he was not wearing any panties.

With Camille off to Hawaii, we’re back to LA for Kyle’s social event of the season, which is being held upstairs in the back of a mall at a “restaurant” owned by a trucker named Glenn. The view looks awfully familiar to me, a person who hasn’t spent any time in LA, and I am wondering whether this is the same place where Jake took Jackie on their climb-out-the-window date this past season of Bachelor Pad? Will we finally see the She by Sheree samples? Kyle has ultimately decided to forego the hookerwear in favor of a tasteful-yet-festive black-and-white striped strapless cocktail dress and an extra head of hair. Kim isn’t coming because she’s “tired” (Kyle’s air quotes, not mine) after the trip to Sacramento. I think it’s because her “power is still off”.