REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 11/7/11

So there you have it. Dr. If is concerned about the combination of drugs Kimmy is taking, especially as she is driving. He helpfully explains to her that her prescription drug regime may make her slur and seem out of it, and a montage of such moments is then shown. Helpful explanation provided, none of this should count Kimmy out for the Night of Beauty, so let the injecting commence, with Nurse Adrienne in an electric blue tunic with fierce shoulder studs in able and bickering assistance!

Let’s move on to the séance, shall we, and summon the spirits while Kyle’s dogs slurp the crumbs off her dirty kitchen floor. Kyle, who’s upstairs drying her hair and painting her nails and Cottontail’s toes, two tasks that don’t go together (the drying and the painting) if I’ve ever matched wits with general upkeep, phones in an Unvitation to The Glands, who graciously accepts and that’s a credit to her. Tay, who’s early and hopping mad, bursts into the house and deposits her clanky ass onto Kyle’s meticulously made marital bed in order to unload her fury at Lisa for intimating all over town that Tay has no friends. It’s very 6th grade, yes, but I’m not sure exactly which: Lisa saying Tay has no friends, or Tay getting all wound up about it. Cause I am pretty sure her friends have been hiding from her, but whatever. Continuing the 4th grade nothing theme, Tay is scared of Lisa because she’s mean and gossipy. You know, I’m a little scared of Lisa, too, but I kind of think it’s good for me at my age. Anyway, Kyle suffers a perfectly godawful lapse of judgment and openly AGREES with Tay, telling her she thinks Lisa “preys on weak people”. HOLD IT, bitches. First, Kyle, you may want to take that back while you have the chance. And second, Tay, are you actually upset that Lisa suggested you have no friends, but have no problem when your Actual Friend, Kyle, describes you as a “weak person”? Let’s take a break and regroup, shall we?

At which time we find ourselves in the dining room, and I do love a round table and especially love one by a fire. No wonder Kyle drove the previous owners out. Kyle and Kim’s usual psychic, Rebecca (who Kim is perfectly OK with as a usual psychic but not as an Unusual Séance Manager) has brought her Ghostbusters machine and is detecting the presence of Spirits. Maybe she’s detecting the fierce presence of Bernie the Enforcer, who’s in the kitchen whipping up Cupcakes on a Cloud.

So here’s who’s coming tonight: Lisa, wearing the same dress as her horrid plum peplumed disaster, but in black and with a Chanel belt; Faye Resnick in a sequined tunic and no pants; Taylor, in something unremarkable and a Birkin bag; Brandi, crutching in in the same macramé chemise I saw an Eastern European hooker wearing at Peter Piper Pizza on Sunday; Adrienne, in a coral one-shoulder belted top with brown pants the color of peat moss; Camille, in black, accompanied by her very big girlfriend Elizabeth who is NOT ME; and our host, Kyle, in a burgundy witch costume complete with wings, sponsored by Always. Let us begin.

We turn first to Adrienne, whose father George is speaking to her. Hellooooooo, Adrienne! Adrienne, George observes, works well with people (if perhaps not her spouse) and can lead, yet is sensitive. This is touching, and Adrienne cries (not just the prison tear tattoo – real stuff). Moving on…Brandi has angels watching over her and is benefitting from the karma another loved one has earned, which is good because as far as I can tell she’s not earning much on her own. She’s promised an unexpected pregnancy and is just thrilled. THRILLED.