You know who else is here? Linda Thompson, who I correctly recognized as Bruce Jenner’s ex-wife even before it was acknowledged on WWHL. See, embarrassed as I am to admit it, I actually watched the two episodes of “Princes of Malibu” which introduced the world to Brody Jenner, his twin brother (he has one!) and Spencer Pratt. In the first episode they sold strangers tickets to park on Linda Thompson’s Malibu lawn for a drive-in, drink-in movie when stepdaddy cut off the credit card. Charming stuff. Anyway, I am digging that broad. While Kyle’s doing the splits, again, Linda and Taylor are do-si-do-ing, which is what I do with my ladyfriends at belly dancing lessons. Linda probably should have seen Dr. Paul instead of whoever did her poorly-executed lift, but other than that she’s got spunk and I like her.
Anyway, proof that things are quickly disintegrating comes in many forms: Kyle’s demanding bells. Adrienne is belly dancing, whether she likes it or not. Kyle’s focusing the laser sight on Brandi’s nipples. Brandi is depantsing Camille. (Okay, not really, but she wanted to, and we both know it.) Taylor goes outside for what’s obviously intended as a smoke break, and Kyle starts shaking her big boobies at her through the window which reels her in for a totally awkward intervention with The Apostle, and from here it all goes to sh*t, fast.
The Apostle can’t understand why Taylor won’t accept Camille’s apology. Taylor, who is plastered, feels that she always took Camille’s side in her divorce drama, and now Camille has called Taylor out semi-publicly (it’s only public if it makes it through editing, so the more sh&t you make of it the more storyline that requires inclusion, Tay) on something that puts Taylor and her child in danger. (Which may carry an element of truth, but as Camille remarks in her ITM, if it’s all true, then her choice to stay is what’s really putting Taylor and Kennedy in danger. SHAZAM. Love me some Camille!) Soon the argument devolves into Taylor’s announcement that Camille’s NOT COOL and she wants to see her OUT. SIDE. NOW! Oh lord of the rings, we’re going to Oklahoma. I am cringing.
There’s yelling, there’s pulling, Taylor’s either booting over the railing or trying to jump. “Look at this ocean,” cries the eminently reasonable voice of Linda Thompson. “It’s so much bigger than we are, and will be here when we’re gone.” No one cares about the ocean, everyone (especially Tay) is screaming their heads off, The Apostle keeps coming back for Another Thing, Adrienne’s manhandling these b*tches like a Vegas bouncer, and once Tay starts shrieking “it’s not fair”, Brandi decides she’s had enough and kicks her bony ass OUT. B*tch, you is bounced. Ba donk a donk. “F%ck you, Brandi,” announces Tay, and she and Kyle are off like a pair of prom dresses, but not before Linda Thompson brays to the assembled that they all must center themselves, that “you are embarrassing yourselves by being out of control. We are an EVOLVED species!” Evolved, if pickled.
The Apostle is in tears because she just loves Camille so much, and I am starting to wonder about the nature of this relationship. Brandi is in tears because she just wanted to fit in. Adrienne just has to get the hell out of there. And Taylor needs a smoke, so she screams at the limo driver until he stops, comes around to light her cigarette through the window, and judging by the giant shot of flame that results seems to have lit the wrong end. From here it’s a whole lot of boo hoo hoo and the wheels have clearly Come Off. It has to have been a long ride back to the BH for Kyle.
Next week: Brandi’s bowling in her boot, Kim’s afraid she’s going to lose her kids over her relationship with The Bear, and Lisa’s either getting or giving a lap dance! Till then…
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
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Great post Elizabeth!!