Have they decided? I’d keep shopping. And so they will because it’s time to go shopping for naked men so forget the cheesy ball gowns and let’s roll to Vegas, baby!
At the Palms, Part-A is checking the ladies (Adrienne, Camille, DD, Brandi, and Dana) into their plush suites with a view of just about nothing, so don’t get too close to the windows, cameraperson. Dana is wearing her fancy sunglasses and The Glands is clomping along in her sexy boot. They are a pair of high rollers indeed! It’s like the Hangover, except Dana’s missing the Baby Bjorn. Kim didn’t come because she cranked her neck moving tables. Is she a busboy now?
At Planet Hollywood, Part-B is getting the party started, because nothing makes a party better than bringing your mom! Except maybe bringing your mom’s crazy-ass friend who’s turning 40! Woo hoo! The actual bachelorettes have a huge suite with about fifty curvy couches, foosball, pink gift bags, and a view of the Bellagio fountains. The matrons have their own separate suites, thankyou. Lisa and Taylor enjoy a mug of hot tea, oversteeped in Tay’s case (when isn’t she oversteeped?) and bond about the 40 mangled cupcakes lil’ Kennedy made Taylor and which Kennedy and the assistant are now eating three meals a day during this superfun Mom’s Gone weekend before Lisa kicks Tay out to get ready for the Chipmunk Shagging. Ah, motherhood.
Kyle, the one housewife covering Homeland Security for the weekend, is shooting the cover of her new book, which is called “Life is Not a Reality Show: Keeping it Real with the Housewife who Does it All”. Now available for pre-order on Amazon at $16.15. In it, Kyle reveals “how she achieves that perfect mix of celebrity and normality”, with sections on Family, Men, Hair, Beauty, and Entertaining. Sounds insightful! After determining that lying flat on her back on the table with a gown draped over her is just a little too evocative of the Heaven’s Gate cult (with the Nikes, you know), Kyle decides to sit up and feed the dog Kraft Singles. So glad that dog and his inevitable flatulence doesn’t live at the Rancho. In the end, the shot of Kyle on the kitchen counter with Cute Lil’ Portia vacuuming makes the cover. Oh, and this is interesting! It seems while Part-A thought Kim might join them in Vegas, Kyle was also expecting Kim to join her for moral support at this photo shoot! But they’re both wrong because Kim’s nowhere to be found, and she lost all her contacts, so leave a message but she’s not going to listen to it because she doesn’t check voicemail. Methinks Kyle should give the ladysitter a new assignment.
Did anyone else see Dana and Brandi on E!News on Monday night? They were decorating their homes for the holidays and making a gingerbread house together. Dana was complaining of her lack of a fan base. I wonder how those two scored that gig…?
Great post Elizabeth. I look forward to you columns!