And now that Mr. and Mrs. Jason Sabo are united as one, let’s party! Looks like Franck hired Mike Stagliano to give breakdancing lessons for this event, because everyone’s spinning on broken down cardboard boxes, including a very old man who was caught shaking it in slo-mo. Hammer Time! Second most favorite segment of the season, right there. It’s hot, so Mauricio has stripped down to his BH-issued white linen blouse, and Paul’s making sexy face and stroking his suspenders like he has big plans for A later. The camera pans to smoke wafting from a sign for Beverly Catering, who gave Bravo a discount in exchange for the product placement.
The tent has become a pink wonderland, indeed. Chandelier bits (maybe from the light fixture Faye trashed) dangle from the ceiling alongside the aforementioned balls of used kleenex; a long center table features arches of greenery and covered chairs whereas everyone else is going to have to do with the standard ball chair and round tables, no extra linens for you; flowers burst from wagon wheels hanging precariously overhead, while riotous balls of floral frenzy perch atop tall pedestals. Lots going on in here, that’s for sure.
Lisa makes a brief remark that Pandora has been a delight, and it’s been an honor to be her mother. That’s sweet. Mr. Lisa takes the mike and informs the Sabos that they look “SIMPLY DIVINE” and isn’t that interesting since it just happens to be the name of Lisa’s new book about entertaining! Jason is not looking at Mr. Lisa, and Mr. Lisa makes no mention of Jason at all. Hmmmmm. At my wedding, my dad’s toast was mostly about my husband, to whom he presented a pair of Wellies because my darling Mister had asked my father for permission to propose while the two were hunting pheasant and armed with shotguns. And that’s called balls, my friends.
After this peculiar toast, Mr. Lisa and Pandy take the floor to dance…not only to take the first dance, but to take it to the romantic song the musical guest had performed during the audition which made Lisa cry and sniff Giggy’s paws. That’s weird. Then we see the Sabos fox-trotting to something else, clearly choreographed and perfectly nice if unremarkable. My husband and I went to dance classes to learn a mambo to our first dance, “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye, but it wasn’t quite so DWTS. Sparklers are lit, the Sabos make their getaway, and best wishes to the happy couple.
Three weeks later…
Kyle’s got Glenn the fat party planner over and is having The Girls get together as they haven’t seen each other in a while. Camille lets herself in, wearing a pink satin blouse and black leather pencil skirt, which on someone else would look trashy but on her works. If they don’t keep her for next season I’ll miss her just because I like to see what she’s wearing. Adrienne also lets herself in, because they are all really truly such good friends that they have an open-door policy. She’s wearing a transparent black blouse that just looks like an old runny pair of pantyhose. And she brought shoes for everyone. Lisa’s in leopard and brought a giant sparkly valise that can’t close and a bottle of pink champagne, natch.
Finally, here comes the reason we’re all assembled: it’s Taylor, here for the first time since Russell’s death and no one says a word about him. Not. One. Word. She’s carrying lil’ Kennedy who is burying her face in her shoulder and no doubt scowling. I think Kennedy is 5; I have a five-year-old, too, and hell if he’d let me carry him around. But anyway, Kennedy’s off to have mac & cheese with Portia, and Kim’s not coming. There’s a surprise. Lisa’s got photos from the wedding and they are all gorgeous and all of Pandora and Lisa and Giggy, no Jason. Camille tells everyone about her new man and how this relationship is so rewarding – in fact, she got the rewards two times that day! These ladies are her family now, says Taylor, and the reason there is so much anger at times is because there is so much love. Okey doke.
And so Bravo closes the finale by telling us what we already know: Taylor’s written her memoirs because she needs money to address her financial and legal problems. Camille has a new man, and he’s hot, although I don’t believe that torso on her iPhone belongs to him. Lisa and Mr. Lisa moved out of the Chateau Pump and are no longer neighbors with the Oof-Ifs. Their new casita was 10,000 square feet until they added another 2K. Adrienne is selling her shoes. Kim is NOT pregnant, and went to rehab for drugs and alcohol. And Kyle has written an advice book which includes a chapter on sisterly love. Happy clappy all around.
Next week: part 1 of the reunion. Buckle up!
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
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It would not surprise me if Kim had an abortion.
Did anyone else notice LaToya Jackson shaking her groove thang at the reception?