Left alone for five minutes Kimmy regathers her wits and enters kitchen stadium, where the ladies are cooking duck in some sort of cherry sauce with glazed turnips. Yick. Everyone freaks out to see a denuded duck on the cutting board waiting to be beheaded, but Yo is cool with it because, you know, she’s a Dutch farm girl and slaughters fowl with regularity. And you know who else is unfazed? Kim! “As long as it’s not quackin’ while he’s doing the whackin’ I’m okay,” she says. I say that slogan belongs on a t-shirt. Lisa yammers to Kyle while she stirs a pot of turnips, and Kim makes a crack about Lisa being a pot-stirrer and I’ve just noticed how fantastic her nose looks! Take note, Adrienne!
While the women are half-dressed in the kitchen, Mauricio and Mr. Lisa are shuttled over on the Sprinter to join them when the meal gets on the table. Despite their disagreement over the Glands/Oof-If ___________ crisis, they are now back to civil status if not bromantic. Mr. Lisa is worried that the dinner is going to be some sort of challenge where he has to pick out Lisa’s cooking from among the five meals presented and that he will mistakenly choose The Glands’. I doubt that, because The Glands’ prior cooking experience seems limited to Rice Krispie treats and therefore not lent well to Canard Aux Cerises. In the battle duck of Lisa versus Yo, however, things may get highly competitive… oh jeez, did you just see Kyle’s back fat? Loose and flappy! Merde!
The men arrive and everyone is served. All the lady chefs put a nice charming heart on their plates except The Glands who writes out “FU’ in what looks like blood. Porn 101, she says. Unappetizing, is what I say. Not everyone appears to be eating duck, but Giggy is definitely having Kim’s serving of wine, and from a glass, too. Adrienne would be apoplectic. Continuing the odd maturity streak, The Glands is feeling very protective of Kimmy, and Kimmy is appreciating it. Lisa, meanwhile, leans over to Mauricio to blab about tonight’s Kim Krisis and Yo, who isn’t having it, snaps at her. That shut her up!
The next day, Yo, the Richards Sisters, and Rumbly Mauricio go shopping. Kyle says she is scouting for stuff for her new (resale?) boutique. I think she is shoplifting merchandise in that colossal green bag. Everything is really expensive and Mauricio tries on a rather petite swim costume and Kyle laughs at him. Kimmy shares that she doesn’t get why Lisa was so busy butting in to her business – you don’t call, you don’t text, you just gossip. Yo, who is wearing a coral jeans with a matching sleeveless top and VEST (very Backstreet Boys 1995) tells her not to pay any attention to Peppa Pig. Mauricio buys Kimmy a big sparkly bag she was admiring as a prize for her sobriety. That was nice! They are working on their friendship.
Speaking of working on their friendship, Mauricio and Mr. Lisa are heading out on a Segway tour of Paris, which causes the theme song from “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” to start playing inside my head. Mauricio shows Mr. Lisa some private church of some long-dead French king and tells him the guy was the inventor of high heels. Mr. Lisa speculates that Mauricio has a shoe fetish. Takes one to know one.
While the men scoot along the ladies are up at the top of the La Tour Eiffel and Kyle and Lisa are having their “you aren’t my friend anymore” fight, again. Kyle feels she is making an effort and getting rebuffed. Lisa feels Kyle “moved the goalposts” and changed their relationship. Lisa can’t count on Kyle for support or backup anymore, she sniffs. Kyle thinks Lisa only has room for The Glands to be her BFF now. Lisa thinks The Glands is just a better BFF. I think even if Mr. Lisa doesn’t hold grudges, Lisa sure does. Nonetheless they hug it out. That’ll last.
Next time: we’re cruising the Seine, and then Kyle’s opening her new boutique. Tay and Yo have it out, and the Sisters Richards get down to brass tacks. Au revoir, a demain!
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
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