Money
Mr. Andy talks about a website that has tallied up the assumed net worths of the ‘Wives: Adrienne comes out on top at an estimated $300MM and you can just see her smugly rearranging her tinsel. Lisa is assessed at $150MM (she “would not be sitting here” were that true), Kyle at $120MM (“snort!”), Yo at $45MM, The Glands at $5MM (After Book), Kim at $1MM (if she’s lucky), and Tay at $400K (“in the negative”, says she). They talk about Yo’s kid’s horse habit and her fridge, which has its own Twitter. Yo doesn’t fly coach anymore, but Kyle did when they went to Colorado on Frontier last year (I think Frontier is all coach, actually), and The Glands does when she travels with her kids. Mr. Andy gives them all their signature Housewife intro line t-shirts, now for sale at bravotv.com, and tosses Adrienne’s out the fake window. Yo’s has lemons on “the titties”, as she puts it. I hate that word. In what may be a related development, last night I had a dream that a dirty old man came up and groped me, giving me a pair of purple nurples, while I attempted to pass on foot through the Nogales port of entry. Thankfully Geraldo Rivera was on the scene to conduct a citizen’s arrest. I am blaming the lemon shirt, but I still want one!
The Househusbands
The few husbands that are left join us for a brief segment. David Foster isn’t there because he’s busy with Stevie Wonder, as we find out when The Glands does a flawless impression. Dr. Paul visits in a video segment, in which he talks about being raised in a dysfunctional family and how what he wished for from a very young age was for his parents to finally split and get it over with, the implicit point being that that’s what he decided to do himself. Dr. Paul is now focusing on being a good doctor and a good dad. He does not blame The Glands for the divorce; her comments were “unnecessary, hurtful, and wrong”, but she did “graciously” apologize and they are now on cordial terms. As good and bad as the show was, Dr. Paul would be happy to return by performing plastic surgery on any Housewife. The end. Goodbye, Paul. You were nice.
Mr. Lisa says he never believed any of the abuse allegations against Paul because the Oof-Ifs lived with extensive security and a full staff and someone would have seen it, and besides, who would say that one day and then give 50% custody to the abuser the next? Maurice says that Paul is his friend but he is still Adrienne’s Realtor, and his philosophy is that “a fish gets caught by his mouth, so he keeps his mouth shut”.
Speaking of Maurice’s mouth, does he regret the way he chewed out The Glands at the Moroccan dinner? No. His tone was wrong but his point was correct. Mr. Lisa thinks the whole thing was none of Maurice’s business. The Glands thinks a man should not speak to a woman that way; Maurice agrees, and apologizes again for his tone after having done so the night of the Moroccan dinner. Maurice tells us he really likes The Glands a lot and Kyle gives him major side-eye. Mr. Andy asks about the suggestion that Maurice plays it both ways for the benefit of his real estate business. Maurice, unsurprisingly, says no, that he can separate business from relationships and he never dropped the Pumps as clients. Mr. Lisa points out that the issue isn’t whether he dropped them as clients, it’s whether he dropped them as friends; Maurice says Kyle’s in charge of their social life and where the Lisa/Kyle friendship goes so does he. I suppose that makes sense, and makes it all Kyle’s fault. Again.
So what have we learned? Yo found the Housewife experience “interesting”. The Glands says she has been blessed with lifelong friends in Lisa and Yo. Kyle finds it all “flattering”, which is peculiar. Tay talks about her “new chapter” with all these friends being her family, which is a clear HINT HINT DON’T FIRE ME MR. ANDY. Kim loves her sobriety and these girls, which is a nice tidy end to Kimmy. And Lisa finds the reunion process cathartic. She’ll be back. And so closes another less-than real season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Be sure to hop over to the OC page to follow me on that, and also visit me at thislittlemama.com to keep up with whatever reality and real-reality I’m talking about next. And if you feel like getting me a lemon shirt I’ll take a medium please. ‘Til next season!
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
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