Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 2/17/15

February 18th, 2015 | 4 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized

After the pep talk Yolanda gives to the woman who last week sneered defensively that people were saying that Yolanda’s daughter was an alcoholic, they go downstairs and have a yoga session as part of Yolanda’s endeavor to get Brandi centered. It’s a kind move and a bold one – and it won’t work because Brandi is a grown woman who is frozen in the throes of adolescence and she is unable or unwilling to take responsibility for any of her actions and the chaos that she leaves in her fuzzy wake. She is the kind of person who is resentful that people kick her while she’s down but she never analyzes why she is down for the count so frequently and which of her choices have gotten her so close to the ugly linoleum so often.

But I commend her for almost nailing The Crow pose. That sh*t is hard.

Over at Lisa Vanderpump’s house, Kyle arrives for a cup of tea. Before they can start sipping, however, the housekeeper has to bring it to them and Kyle does that fake baby voice thing when she thanks the woman for serving her. Under no circumstances am I saying that Kyle should not thank the housekeeper, but if she can do it while using her lower register and not reverting into the inflection of a toddler, I’d have a way easier time keeping my own tea down.

Kyle – back to using her real voice – tells Lisa how frustrated she is that Kim will not communicate with her, and she blames Brandi for driving a wedge between the two of them. I think Brandi is a piece of dogsh*t, but Brandi is not the reason that these sisters are having a conflict. The direct cause of their issues is that Kim will not discuss the truth and Kyle sometimes has to let her get away with being evasive, but when she does venture into territory Kim wants to keep shrouded, the sisters fight. Is Brandi making things easier? Of course not. But Brandi is not really the issue; she’s a side issue, and as long as Kyle fixates on her, the happier Kim will be because Kyle is falling for her latest manipulation.

Addicts know exactly what they are doing and, while I am surprised whenever Kim manages to form a full sentence, I also know that she can write a dissertation on how to deflect blame.

Lisa recommends that Kyle behave in a cordial manner to Brandi, and it’s here that I have to wonder if these women sometimes look at themselves closely in the mirror late at night and admit to their deepest pores that they have allowed their dignity and their judgment to be continuously compromised in the name of fame and Twitter recognition before swallowing an Ambien and allowing the darkness to take over.

Out in Malibu, Eileen and her husband have dinner on a terrace of a restaurant as the sun descends and Eileen explains to Vince everything that went down when she tried to serve as a mediator between two sisters who have far more resentment than sense. Listening to the story, Vince could not possibly look more bored. It’s like he is watching beige paint dry, but he perks up when Eileen mentions that she’s invited the women to come do a reading of his new screenplay. A few of the women are actually actresses, so maybe the reading will go well – but to make sure that nobody decapitates someone at the table or impales a fellow guest with the heel of a stiletto, she suggests that they serve no alcohol at the event, a genius concept that Vince brushes off in the same way he will have to brush the high-velocity blood spatter from the pages of his script after a few of the women guzzle some of the wine he has chosen to pour.

The next morning dawns brightly and Lisa V. and her husband play with their dogs on the lawn, looking like they are in an ad for either Architectural Digest or for a 5-ply toilet paper made out of cashmere. Before he can exert himself, Lisa scoops Giggy into her arms because it’s all just too boisterous a scene for a doggie stuffed into a onesie and the whole image is simply too adorable for words. But the frolicking must end because Lisa R has arrived and the two Lisa must drive to Malibu for the reading of Vince’s script. In the car, they discuss Kim’s odd behavior and Lisa R. is nothing but blunt when she explains that Kim all but terrified her during the car ride the two of them shared and that she thinks that Kim really needs an intervention. Lisa V. is uncertain, though. It doesn’t seem as though she believes Kim is in a good place, but she also doesn’t believe that it is their place to stage an intervention.

“Why is everyone so scared of Kim Richards?” muses Lisa R., and just in case hers was not a rhetorical question, I’d like to venture that the reason is because Kim is a maniacal, manipulative, hysterical, deflecting addict who has a stunted development and synapses that have been shot for years and people with those qualities often are not open to listening to logic that they just don’t want to hear.

In another car bound for Malibu sit Kyle and Kim and they engage in a surface conversation about how unfortunate Kyle looked during her gawky stage instead of talking about anything of substance. But then the façade falls to pieces and Kim tells Kyle that she’s not all that sure about Eileen and she was put off that Eileen tried to speak honestly and rationally to them over lunch. Then Kim actually says the line, “It’s not appropriate to go into someone’s lives like that,” which is something one does not get to say with a straight face when she has chosen to be a willing participant on a F*CKING REALITY SHOW.

Not invited to the reading is Brandi, but don’t worry about her! She is meeting her friend Jennifer on the beach for a chat. Now, there are some sentences that I can’t even believe that I end up typing, and this next one might take the cake for this week: Brandi’s friend Jennifer is an addiction specialist who is having a rough day because she is recovering from a recent breakup with Andy Dick.

I’m just going to let those words hang in the air for a moment.

4 thoughts on “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 2/17/15

  1. Nell I am not sure if you read the comments or not but wanted to let you know I am really enjoying your recaps. So spot on.

Leave a Reply