When they arrive, they are all full of compliments about the house. There’s an infrared sauna that Lisa Rinna covets, though she’s not really sure why. Every room has a view of the pool and they all sit down outside for brunch. “Sit anywhere you want,” Kathryn tells them, perhaps in a nod to how Kyle stuck her across from her longtime nemesis at her barbecue and then had the pretend nerve to fake wonder if the two women would fight. But Kathryn is not interested in any fighting, not at her house. Just read the prayer note she stuck into her kitchen marble! (Dear God, please don’t let any of these Beverly Hills women break anything and also keep my husband from gazing at any ass he encounters between this afternoon and the end of time. Amen.) Unfortunately, Eileen did not write God the same letter. No, she wants some answers about who told Yolanda that Lisa Vanderpump was talking about the health of her children and she’s not about to let Erika’s lukewarm denial suffice. Bless her, for I too hate unresolved conflict and besides, it’s always fun to watch Kyle pretend to be nervous when people begin to fight around her even though I’m pretty sure there’s actual empirical data that proves that her hair gets longer and shinier as people around her cry.
Erika finally admits that she was the one who said something to Yolanda her nose scrunches up after her admission like she just smelled something foul. I could be with gay men who are paid to adore me on my tour bus right now instead of with these assh*le women, she thought right then, and I guess she’s right, but she gave Mikey the afternoon off and now she’s stuck there. But the focus is about to move off Erika being a sh*t-stirrer and onto Lisa Rinna, who allegedly never eats. While she claims to swallow calories and then work out, Erika and Kathryn have a different take on their “friend’s” lack of digestion. She doesn’t eat. She just pushes the food around on her plate and nibbles things like she’s an anorexic rabbit. Lisa, trying to throw the comment to the side, explains that an eating disorder was brought up last year, but it was done in a malicious manner by someone who didn’t care about her and Kyle’s face goes stark white because she knows that Lisa is referring to her assh*le of a sister. Honestly, I get that Kyle feels remarkably uncomfortable listening while other people discuss what a travesty her sister is, but the best way to avoid having to be privy to these awkward moments is to get the f*ck off this show where her sister allowed her non-sobriety to be a major plot point for about five years. I do not feel badly for Kyle. I tried and, much like Erika Jayne’s bedazzled and strappy catsuit, I had a hard time pulling it off so I have just stopped trying.
Kyle, however, has not stopped trying to make herself look like an innocent martyr. She takes deliberate bites of food when Kim’s name is brought up and her eyes grow wide as those around her discuss their own interactions with the sickest of the illustrious Richards Sisters. According to Kyle, Lisa Rinna is just as guilty in their battle as Kim was, which means that Kyle’s either a complete idiot or she cannot retain memories of things that really happened. Like her damaged kin, Kyle likes to throw stones to deflect any negative attention (otherwise known as “the truth”) and she’s probably a key reason why Kim has managed to get away with such disgraceful behavior for so many years. Kyle, her key enabler, all but sponsored her droves of denial. Need an example? Kyle will agree that her animalistic sister didn’t handle things all that well, but she takes issue with Lisa using words like “vicious” and “vile” to describe her even though those words are totally accurate when it comes to describing a lunatic like Kim. Luckily, Kyle doesn’t get to control what other people react to and I could watch Lisa Rinna eloquently speak about her maniacal experiences with Kim for days because every single thing she’s saying is true and we all saw it go down. Sing it, sister!
For a moment, it looks like the conversation might just be swallowed by everyone at that table just to make it go away –
besides Lisa Rinna; she doesn’t eat – but Kathryn, the hostess with the least awareness under the sprawling sun, will not let it die. She finds it weird that Lisa claims that her fights with Kim were “scary” because Kathryn defines that word to mean being in “real physical danger” and that’s not what Lisa experienced. So to wrap up, Kathryn doesn’t like the word “c*nt” and go f*ck yourself if you misuse the word “scary” in her presence and anyone at that table who has the audacity to confront her about anything should be shot and that’s what brunch at Kathryn’s house is like.
Also, Kyle actually says the line, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, I don’t want to hear it at all.” This chick knows she’s on a Bravo reality show, right? Please: ask me again why I hate her. I’ll point you to the very next scene when she leaves the table in a huff and tells Lisa Vanderpump that she can turn the tables on Lisa Rinna by bringing up those text messages she sent Kim that Kyle now deems as threatening because it’s convenient for her to do so. Lisa Rinna has actually been incredibly kind in her discussions about Kim in front of Kyle but Kyle is too much of a narcissist stunted in adolescence to realize it.
Since she’s now around the women who are sure to be her new forever best friends, Kathryn drops a line about how she understands the pain that comes with addiction so Eileen asks her about her story – and her story is pretty painful. Her father committed suicide when she was just thirteen due to an addiction and she still feels that loss deeply and she’s therefore sensitive to how people discuss addiction and depression. Eileen comforts her sweetly and then Kyle returns to the table and explains how awful she feels when people discuss Kim and the rest of them apologize. Kyle then looks quizzically at the tears streaming down her hostess’ face, so Erika concisely sums up what went down in their absence and the woman is so succinct that I can almost forgive her for trying to make the word “c*nty” happen.