I’m not quite sure how it can be this way, but there remains a rather quixotic side to my personality and it’s really starting to piss me off. It just doesn’t make any sense! Really, you’d think a constant and steady exposure to questionable people starring on mindless reality shows would have eliminated my patently unrealistic levels of idealism, but that’s just not the case – and I can’t seem to help it. I somehow still harbor the insane belief that most people are good, that they actively want to better humanity at large. Trust me: I’ve tried to quiet the blatantly out-of-vogue ideals I still blame my parents for instilling in me back when they were hippies who tried to pass carob off as chocolate. It’s totally their fault that I cannot seem to cease having faith in the fact that the vast majority of us must have actual reasons for the times we find ourselves behaving in a manner that could best be described as heinously inappropriate.

The thing is, I no longer … Continue reading →

I have a confession to make: the image of Yolanda’s bloody implant is slowly destroying me from the inside out. I’ve had dreams about that thing. The very worst one involved placing my head dreamily upon a pillow I thought was made out of baby pink cotton candy only to find that the sugary fluff had disappeared and what enveloped me instead was a gelatinous mess of silicone and guts. Really though, that gooey implant terrified me as much as catching a glimpse of a Pegasus in a movie usually does and a big part of me believes that the implant did not actually come from deep inside Yolanda’s chest cavity as the world-renowned surgeon wearing the colorful baker’s hat would have us believe. I think there’s a good chance the implant really originates from the dankest and darkest depths of the bottom of the ocean where its kin continues to frolic with mythical beasts that are made entirely of gills and whatever it is that first birthed Faye Resnick.

I’m hoping (and praying…and … Continue reading →

Um, I believe it was implied that the Skinny Girl would show up at some point tonight. After all, our Beverly Hills ladies are heading to the Hamptons and who is more representative of the Hamptons than Bethenny Frankel? In fact, I heard through the grapevine that Bethenny is even considering running for Mayor of Southampton because she found out that she couldn’t throw her hat into the race to be the next Queen. Her platform? That every road sign in the community should be painted the exact shade of red that’s in her brand’s logo. I don’t see how the woman can lose.

We all saw Bethenny in the previews for this season and I guess I expected that she’d be onscreen from the get go. While I don’t care that much about catching a glimpse of her on her own show, I was looking forward to seeing her in this bowl of non-fat, non-dairy, non-gluten Housewives soup. See, I just love crossover episodes of television shows, don’t you? There’s this extra special thrill … Continue reading →