REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 2/6/12

On to Reunion Part Deux, where The Glands has joined us, looking her usual bedraggled self, and announces that the RHOBH ladies are either the “meanest” or “toughest” clique in town. I sort of missed it because I was packing lunches, not that it matters anyway. I personally think the issue is that The Glands is one of those things that is not like the others, but who cares what I think. Part Deux presents three main themes:

* Brandi is like a fart in an elevator
* Who is the real Camille?
* Adrienne has no sense of humor

Let us begin.

Brandi is like a fart in an elevator

Crass, I know, but apt. She’s a spreading stink and can’t be escaped. After bursting onto the stage and being seated on the Left sofa (alongside Lisa and Camille, but notably across from her “original” friend, Adrienne), Brandi lets loose with the following:

* she’s not really a slut, but wishes she was because sex is fun
* she has no qualms about wearing her poo brown butt floss around other people’s husbands because she and her friends always wear tiny suits, and we should all be glad she even had a top on to contain those half-empty water balloons
* she thinks it’s cool to have her ass out, because “that’s [her] in general”
* she regrets being filmed on her Xanax trip, which at least shows there is a boundary somewhere
* Brandi math: sexy + labia = slutty
* Rumors that she slit Mr. LeAnn Rimes’ motorcycle tires are true. But she also told him she’d done it so he wouldn’t hop on and crash. Always thinking about others, that Brandi

At first, the discussion about what happened on Game Night is fairly reasonable. Kyle acknowledges that she was a ridiculous and immature mean girl, and Brandi takes responsibility for losing her temper. The Glands was in a room with no friends and felt like an outsider being bullied, which I agree would be hard and that’s why I wouldn’t go, but she was getting paid and that makes it all worthwhile. The Glands was raised to give everyone a fair chance, and that she does. Just ask Nigel. At this point The Glands indicates she’s still feeling chilly toward Kyle because Kyle apologized, but didn’t take responsibility for her behavior. I’m not sure what that means. Brandi suggests that perhaps confronting Kim about smoking crystal meth in the bathroom identified the wrong substance but nonetheless helped bring her addiction out into the open, and thus helped Kyle. Mmm, I don’t think so, says Kyle. But thanks anyway.