REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 2/13/12

Happy Valentine’s Day! What better way to wrap up five+ months of misery and fractiousness than to leave it all behind on the Day of Love. I would like to take a moment to tell all of you who have read this column – and especially those who have taken the time to post such positive comments – that I love you! RHOBH has hardly been sunshine and unicorns this season, and at times it has been grueling to be your faithful recapper, so your enthusiasm has really mattered to me. A heartfelt thank you!

I am happy to say that starting tomorrow I will be picking up the RHOC column, so look for that next door, or wherever it will be. While it would be nice to have a little detox from housewifery, I did get to spend this past weekend with my three best girlfriends from high school, so I feel renewed, as Ramona would say. You’ll be glad to know that “Money Can’t Buy You Klass” and “Tardy for the Party” were in heavy rotation on the weekend soundtrack. Elegance is learned, my friends!

So what’s been new since last we met? Well, Whitney Houston died, so that’s been a bit preoccupying. The only real Housewives news is that Taylor’s book has come out and has been greeted with a response best described as “mixed”. Her book is currently ranked with two stars on Amazon (Kyle’s gets 2 ½, while Lisa’s gets 4 ½; it’s not possible to post a review without at least giving something one star, so for all intents and purposes one = zero), and a lot of the reviews are perfectly hateful. (There’s one from someone named Elizabeth that I want to be absolutely clear is NOT ME.) The Kindle edition is #12 for Memoirs & Biographies on the Amazon bestseller list, but she’s not making the NY Times list as far as I can tell. I have not read the book and don’t intend to. (Haven’t read Kyle’s, either, for the record.)

Taylor has appeared on a lot of TV shows in the past week, and the main thing that’s transpired is a lot of people are asking questions about the timeline and whether it makes sense. Perez Hilton, in particular, published a post questioning when exactly her eye socket got broken, because photos supposedly from the weekend (showing her poolside in a bikini and jauntily mixing it up on the DJ’s turntable) appear unscathed, certainly no sunken eyeball in sight. Yesterday’s Reality Tea posted an extensive assessment of the timeline and the public evidence (tweets and known appearances) that seem to conflict. As a consequence she’s gotten a barrage of negative Twitter activity and has been furiously blocking “haters” left and right (which is sort of like bailing a rowboat in a downpour as it just means she can’t see what they say, while the wide world still can). The Twits are running about 50/50 pro/con on Taylor as of my last unscientific assessment. She has since released her medical records diagnosing her eye socket injury, which her detractors claim is forged. It could go on and on.