Meanwhile, Adrienne’s limo stops by the Casa Umansky to collect Kyle and oh Jesus there’s Feige. Just what we need. Adrienne’s wearing the earrings I have from Stella & Dot again. She seems old and aggrieved. Kyle is wearing a cheetah dress and it looks like she just got some new Botox that pinched her face. This car is tense. And arriving it becomes even more tense, because Lisa didn’t invite Feige and had no idea she was coming. Rude! Adrienne swans in and greets everyone like a delicate flower, completely ignoring The Glands. Camille arrives in a blue Pucci number and presents Lisa with both a housewarming gift and Pandy’s overdue wedding present, as The Glands stands awkwardly aside. Poor girl doesn’t even know where to look.
So where’s Kim? Lisa takes a call from the patient while perched over the black crapper in bathroom #27, in which Kim claims she was on her way across town but got “hit in the face” by her dog and The Nose got bumped. That makes no sense at all but no one cares.
Kimless, the gals are seated in the garden for the heavily alcoholic tea, as all good teas should be. Everyone gets a “little gift”, except presumably Feige who was neither invited nor expected. Party crashers do not get party favors! Lisa makes a toast to being grateful and appreciating what one has, and everyone cha-chings including The Glands and Adrienne, grudgingly. The Chipmunks serve. The presents turn out to be robes. Tay starts complaining that the tea sandwich is going to vastly expand her caboose; Kyle teases her that they all saw her flossy caboose in Ojai when she went inverted, and they know each bony cheek could really use a sandwich. Tay offers to do another handspring to keep things festive, and if she breaks her neck she’ll sue them all “because everyone here likes to sue each other”. Oh snap! There’s the elephant!
And the elephant is really all about Tay, because as we recall she was awkwardly ejected from the 2011 White Party because of the threat of Russell’s lawsuit against Camille, and she’s still mad about it. If she wasn’t supposed to sue people then, then Adrienne shouldn’t be allowed to sue people now. Lisa instantly takes Tay and The Glands off behind the woodshed to give Glands a short break and tell Tay to shut it. Tay says she just doesn’t know how to not be dramatic, and just can’t stop when she’s decided to speak her mind and fueled by rose. Don’t ever lose your sparkle, girl!
Meanwhile, back at the table, Adrienne sweetly informs the assembled that there is no lawsuit, it’s all so silly that The Glands is making such a claim, and Camille pipes up to endorse this ridiculousness. Kyle thinks something smells funny here. Isn’t warning to sue or threatening to sue essentially the same as actually suing, at least as far as the practice of intimidation goes? I’d say yes. But hairsplitter Camille disagrees. Adrienne insists she never sent a letter, how this could not possibly be true, how everyone really must believe her, “look at her character”, that nasty Glandular person. The Glands can’t decide whether the news that she is not being sued after all is cause to celebrate or an indication that we’ve ventured into an imaginary land of unicorns and fairies. Camille continues to commend Adrienne for not actually suing anyone. Yes, it’s so nice of you not to actually frivolously sue anyone, Adrienne, who is reminding me of Dolores Umbridge with that toadlike smile.
Now The Glands brings up that Adrienne’s “people”, specifically Bernie the Enforcer, have been leaking nasty anecdotes about her to the media, specifically that she drinks all day in front of her kids. THIS gets Umbridge worked up. “How dare you! Shame on you!” she shouts. To suggest that Bernie the Enforcer might possibly ever leak anything false to the media? What would Dr. Paul say? Lisa thinks Adrienne is fighting the truth, and she’s not giving up, like a tenacious Chihuahua. Adrienne demands to know why The Glands has attacked her so maliciously, why she cares so much about everything she, Dolores Umbridge, does. The Glands tells Adrienne she is full of shiitake and storms off in her bathrobe to make photocopies of all her letters and other documentation so the entire cast can receive a full report, just as they were all copied on her original apology email in the first place.
Next time: Kimmy’s Nose is getting a quinceanera! Tay jets off with her new lawyer boyfriend, unaware of and unconcerned with Lil’ Kennedy’s whereabouts. And it’s the White Party 2012! Oh, crap, we can’t be that near the end because we’re still anticipating a trip to Paris and the Pumps’ vow renewal in Bora Bora. Sit tight, chickens. See you in two weeks.
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/thislittlemama
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/This-Little-Mama/245392435770
K, I was reading earlier and didn’t leave a comment as I came upon it and I don’t feel like trying to find the post…… but you’re “Stassie looks like Chelsie Clinton” is so spot I had to come back and agree!! I’ve been trying to put my finger on it and appreciate you figuring it out for me. Yes, I’m a loser and actually watch Vanderpump Rules at the gym. Does that make it better…only at the gym?! 😉