REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS REUNION (PART 1) – 3/25/13

Yo
On to our newest Housewife, Yo. Yo is a “gangster bitch”, says The Glands. She’s so fly. Yo and Kyle have a scrap about whether or not Yo was standoffish. We discuss the honor of being in the presence of Mr. David Foster, who Yo basically thinks should have gotten the pointy hat and Popemobile. Mr. Andy asks about Yo’s very awkward remark about Gigi being butch in middle school and Yo makes an even more awkward comment about homosexuality being a choice which everyone decides not to address further. Yo also says she’s entitled to tell day laborers to learn English because she had to do so as an international supermodel. Do the Fosters have a prenup? Yes! It’s the only sensible thing if love has a 15-year cycle. Had Yo seen the show before she did it? No, and that was a mistake. We get into a whole stupid discussion about whether or not there were plans for Kimmy and Yo to cleanse their bowels together and basically it’s all Production’s fault, not Kimmy being a flaky ex-alcoholic. Yo has been struggling with chronic Lyme disease compromised her brain function which is why all she could say when arguing with Tay was that she was an asshole. Well, tick or no tick, what more need be said?

Tay
Speaking of, let’s be done with this issue. The Wives describe Tay as a “hot mess”, “struggling”, and “fueled by alcohol” (I think that last one was Mr. Andy, actually), but Tay does not think she has a problem – anymore. Kim disagrees and says Tay’s boozing made her uncomfortable and that drinking is drinking, whether for stress relief or celebration. There’s a discussion about the “where’s lil’ Kennedy” crisis which Tay blames on nanny miscommunication and thinks was unfair to include in the edit, which is probably true. She says her legal troubles are now resolved because even though the Birkins were fake the wedding ring she had to hand over to be hocked on eBay was not. She’s now deeply in love with her still-married attorney, whose divorce is protracted and she was not the cause of, and they are spending “the ski season” in Colorado. Tay is very quick to announce that they are coming back to LA when the snow melts so that Lil’ Kennedy can have a “fresh start” and hopefully she, Tay, can be renewed as a ‘Wife. Let’s hope not.

Lisa v. Kyle
So with that stuff out of the way the real fightin’ begins. It’s interesting how Lisa’s complaints about Kyle are basically the same ones Kim has about Kyle: Kyle consistently seems more concerned with buttering up people she’s got an agenda with versus standing up for those she’s supposed to be aligned with. In Lisa’s case, she thinks Kyle positioned herself on Team Adrienne because the Umansky Agency wanted the listing for the Chateau Oof-If; apparently Mauricio sold the Palais Du Pump and once that was closed the Umanskys had no further use for the Pumps as they plan to live in Villa Rosa until they assume room temperature in the horizontal position, read: no future real estate opportunities await. Kyle, predictably, is totally offended by such a smutch on her sterling reputation.

Kyle shares that she feels replaced by The Glands and that Lisa doesn’t expect as much from The Glands as she does from her, Kyle. The Glands thinks Kyle is jealous and Lisa should like her better anyway because she doesn’t talk sh*t behind Lisa’s back. Yo chimes in that Kyle got all busy talking sh*t about Lisa and plastic surgery in the limo after stripper training, which is when Kyle pounces and demands that Yo share with Lisa and the world what SHE said about Lisa in Paris. GASP!!!

A very confusing shouting match follows in which Kyle and Kim accuse Yo of saying that Lisa was phony and not a real friend to Kim for having talked about Kim’s afternoon nap at the cooking class dinner party. Yo accuses Kyle of lying because she wasn’t even talking to Kim in the airport when this conversation allegedly took place, and that she, Yo, was providing Kim with all the required emotional and luggage support at the time so Kyle’s a bad sister. Kyle accuses Yo of being nice to people’s faces and nasty in her blogs, which is sort of true, and wants to know which Yo is the real Yo. And the big question is: who does Lisa believe? We’ll find out next week! Sit tight, kitties!

Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/thislittlemama
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/This-Little-Mama/245392435770