Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 1/27/15

At some point, Kyle chooses to leave the house of horrors with Lisa, who wisely jumps in the car with the Richards sister least likely to murder her. Listening to Kyle’s pain, Lisa seemed to astutely realize that the entire situation stemmed directly from Kim’s addiction – an addiction that should not be spoken of in the past tense because it’s still the biggest factor in defining who Kim presently is – and the pain and frustration that addiction can drown a family in, and the whole thing is just sad because this has so obviously been a pattern for decades in their lives and Kyle looks devastated. As they drive away, we see Kim and Brandi standing in the driveway, their arms wrapped around each other. Kim looks like she can’t even stand up on her own and, safely inside the car and away from the alcoholics, Lisa mulls over the idea that there is just far too much drinking taking place amongst some of these women and it’s not really okay and Kyle kind of nods slowly and remembers how bad things used to be while realizing none of it is really over.

I’m going to continue to give Kyle – who I don’t much like – a break because she’s in the right here. She has every reason to be afraid and to be angry and to be f*cking sick of it all. But I still cannot reconcile the choice to agree to be on a show that delves into their lives when her sister has so much that she likes to hide.

What must it be like for Kim’s children to watch their mother in this state? What must it be like for Brandi’s lawyers and for those who teach her children to watch her tell Kim that she looks amazing and that she is perfection while Kim can’t even form a sentence? What must it be like to live inside of Kim’s damaged mind as she tells Brandi how much she loves her and how much effort must it take to avoid the glaring subtext that what she really means is that she loves Brandi for allowing her to get away with continuing to be an addict unlike her bitch of a sister?

Back in her living room after all the women finally left, Eileen and her husband discussed what they had witnessed. The focus of their conversation was about Brandi, not Kim, and Eileen rather astutely pointed out what even a casual viewer could understand about the fraught-with-tension Kyle/Kim dynamic: “I don’t know who is starting the drama, but I know who is keeping it going – and that’s Brandi.” She’s right, of course. Brandi, who has viewed herself as a victim for some time, wants to align herself with the other victims who she thinks she understands. Brandi, with her limited understanding about anything besides giving bl*wjobs and the best ways to insult people to their faces for no good reason at all, is not taking into account the years – the decades – that Kyle has had to experience her sister being an addict. Brandi is not willing to allow herself to comprehend that all of those years of lies and deceptions and projected anger that Kyle must have had to endure have taken their toll, so when she calls Kyle late at night to say she’s worried about Kim, it actually makes sense that Kyle would finally sigh and say, “This is not my problem,” because it’s actually not someone’s problem when that person has absolutely zero control when it comes to solving the problem. All Brandi can hear in that exchange is that Kyle hates her sister, but I think that maybe if Brandi put down her own ever-present bottle of Chablis, perhaps she could see through the fog and come to understand things as they are and as they have been for far too long.

In an effort to retain the seven viewers who watch this show for the light escapism that plays out over expansive lawns and gardens, we are next brought to the estate of Lisa Vanderpump, who is sitting outside in the sparkle of the sun. Beside her sit five dogs, all who look like they might really be stuffed animals. They are awaiting the return of Rumpy, the Golden Retriever that’s been away at training camp, which I guess is the canine version of being sent away to boarding school when your parents are filthy rich. But the genuine excitement Lisa expresses upon seeing Rumpy (the other dogs look excited too – except for Giggy, who yawns) is very sweet, and when she learns that Rumpy made a friend at camp that he does not want to part with, Lisa adopts that dog on the spot, marveling that Rumpy chose the oldest and fattest girl at camp to make his own and that she is pleased to be raising a nutless dog who is so open to what defines standards of beauty.

Still hoping to keep their viewers from heaving a television clear across the room, making them unable to tune in to Watch What Happens Live for a full blast of Bravo synergy, we travel next to Yolanda’s palatial pad. We see Yolanda try to Skype with her daughter Bella, who mentions that she will be attending an art show later that evening with “Tallulah and Demi,” and all I could think to myself was, “Avoid the whippets, Bella, no matter what Demi tries to tell you!” After Yolanda hangs up with her daughter, her son wanders into the kitchen. I’m not sure that we have ever seen fifteen-year-old Anwar before. It’s possible he was being kept in a beautiful glass closet near one of David Foster’s many pianos until his gawky stage was over so that he didn’t pull focus from the genetically-gifted goddesses who are his older sisters, but all of a sudden we get to meet this kid and he is adorable and seems to have a sweet and loving relationship with his mother. And when Yolanda walked over to the splendid refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water for Anwar to take to practice, I paused the action to look even more closely at that glass refrigerator and I almost rubbed myself across my television screen and I finally understood why some people have become so caught up in Fifty Shades of Grey.