Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – 2/3/15

The real question that needs to be explored on this episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is what in the hell did Kim Richards ingest before or during that Poker Party and where can I get myself some of whatever she’s swallowing?

I kid. Addiction is not something to take lightly, but perhaps it’s also not something to trot out for the cameras that are omnipresent in the life one leads as a fading reality starlet whose chief storyline is a very questionable sobriety. The whole thing feels invasive to watch and wrong to write about, and I’m just saying that perhaps if I took one of Kim’s “pain pills,” I’d feel less guilty about chronicling the downfall of a woman who has hit bottom so many times that she has constant grass stains on her knees.

Maybe Bravo is aware that they’re diving into the abyss of codependent misery and taking uncomfortable viewers with them, so we begin this episode on a (natural) high and silly moment at Kyle’s store, the one she got because she was bored after her last kid went off to preschool. You know how you often purchase commercial real estate and stock it with hideous blouses in colors like chartreuse and coral on a regular basis due to boredom?

Kyle Richards: she’s just like us – said nobody ever.

Kyle and a very blonde male friend who uses words like “gorge” to describe sinfully unattractive clothing are getting together at the store to meet with party planners since Kyle misses being in a sorority so much that she is throwing a mixer. But there’s a twist! Instead of drunk college freshmen scrawling all over one another with highlighters under a black light, Kyle is hosting a Bottom and Top soirée for her gay friends.

“Everyone in town has four or five gays of their own,” explains Kyle, unaware that she cannot actually own a person in the way that she is so proud to own Chanel dog bowls. “And a lot of my gays are single,” she muses sadly, though maybe it was just the stupid straw fedora she was wearing that I found to be sad.
But yes, Kyle is desperately concerned with the dire issues gay men in Los Angeles are dealing with these days, primarily the one that there are very few “tops” around the city. And if Kyle can do anything to support people who are struggling, by God, she will dive in hair extensions-first to solve the problem.

Now listen: I don’t like Kyle. I think she is a childish woman who, due to her pretend desire to avoid conflict, comes off as a friend who severely lacks loyalty. It has enraged me for years that she accuses grown women of holding grudges when really it’s just adults choosing to tread carefully with a person who has betrayed them. That said, later in the episode when she has to deal with the sh*t-show that is the terrifying two-headed beast with the faces of her sister and Brandi, I do feel for her and I absolutely give her a pass for those interactions. I find Kyle annoying – but I believe that Kim and Brandi are two very sick people who refuse to acknowledge how their actions directly impact others and their transgressions are far worse in my mind than Kyle flashing her wealth and sliding into a split at a party because she misses the attention she had back when she was a child star.

Heading to sunnier pastures, Yolanda strolls through the closet in her Malibu mansion. She needs to pack for a trip to Italy where her husband is hosting a charity event. I’m all for philanthropy, but David Foster will never cease to create a spiral wave of nausea that develops inside of me every time I see his face or when – oh dear, I might need Pepto Bismol just to think about it – he sits down at his grand piano at a dinner party and forces his guests to sing along to his catalogue of bland songs. Still, I think that Yolanda is one of the good ones, and watching her fluidly pack a suitcase makes me want to be a better person, one who arranges my clothing by hue.

Into the scene comes Anwar, Yolanda’s son, who is all of a sudden on this show more than Giggy! Anwar is cute too – he’s maybe not as fluffy as Giggy and he may not be nearly as well accessorized as the dog and he’d never be allowed to eat Giggy’s kibble because it has too many carbs for Yolanda to allow it – but he’s sweet and I like the way Yolanda comes off as a mother. She’s loving and involved and, seeing scenes like this one, I hope that the Lyme disease she’s suffering from according to all those recent reports starts to abate. She has children to raise and lemons to grow! I truly wish her well.