Enough of that, back to the show and back to stripper practice. Marisa is not into this. In fact, she seems annoyed, which is a little odd since she knew exactly what was to go on on this excursion and could have stayed home. The Glands shows the girls her mad pole skillz and Kyle is now totally intimidated, announcing that The Glands looks like a praying mantis whereas she, Kyle, will look like a munchkin on that pole. I’d go with Moncheechee. Just wait until she sees The Glands do the splits!
The stripper coach advises the girls to squat a little bit and wave their cabooses around before swinging around the pole hanging by one arm. Some of the Wives (Lisa, Camille who Lisa announces has “done this before”) are better than others (Kyle, Marisa who wraps herself around the pole like she’s mounting a Sit & Spin). Yo is a good sport and tries to go inverted like The Glands, which frightens Kyle. Lisa gets Kyle up on the pole and spins her around fast like a merry-go-round, a slightly vicious look upon her face. Whee! Oh, the fun of adult entertainment.
Back in LA, Adrienne is meeting with some people about a handbag line. Is this the same company that makes Gretchen Christine Giant Pink Handbags? Adrienne’s line is a knockoff Louis Vuitton concept with the various letters of her name stamped all over the stuff. The handbag company representative declares the line “Maloofalicious”, which Adrienne loves. Why is The Hoof unacceptable denigration of the footwear, but Maloofalicious deemed flattering? Adrienne would have liked to go to Vegas (yeah, right – the least fun girl in town off to stripper class?) but, you know, that little detail that The Glands was the hostess sort of poked a hole in that plan. So while The Glands pole dances, Adrienne’s all business. As disinclined as I may be toward pole dancing, I think I’d sign up for Night Skool For Girlz sooner than I’d buy a Maloofalicious handbag.
So with stripper class over and the Wives piled back into the limo, now’s a great time for Kimmy to call and tell Kyle she’s getting a nose job. Like, any second now. And she’s feeling a little conflicted about it, which is understandable. Kyle can’t believe this is the first she’s hearing of it. I don’t know Kimmy as well as she does, but this seems like ordinary Kim behavior as far as I can tell. Spontaneous face-altering surgical procedures? Why not! The big question in the car is whether Kimmy is going to be able to take pain medication, and if she does will it put her sobriety at risk. This is a very legitimate concern, except that Dr. Kasey assured Kimmy that having her nose broken and reset isn’t going to hurt, so why worry? Kyle gives up and decides it’s gonna be what it’s gonna be. Yo criticizes Kyle for not taking this particularly seriously; wasn’t Yo just two seconds ago vocally enthusiastic about the proposed rhinoplasty? Yo is a bit overly judgmental, methinks.
Back in LA, Kimmy arrives at the South Pacific Surgical Center for a mai tai and a nose job. I wonder if they operate in sarongs and coconut bras here. The doctor comes in to give Kimmy the once over with his ballpoint pen and she asks him a bunch of stupid questions about his mood today in that baby voice she does. Of they head into surgery and lo and behold, Kimmy’s got a deviated septum! Doesn’t everyone in LA? Surgery goes well, and a nurse is nice enough to dab Kimmy’s lashes with a gloppy mascara before she’s on camera with the splint on her nose. “Don’t forget about me,” the patient calls plaintively to no one.
The other non-stripper, Adrienne, has now installed herself in Dr. Paul’s office and is polluting the place with nail polish fumes. That’s just rude. A nurse comes in to see if Dr. Paul can do a major upgrade on some international customer next week, but he can’t check his schedule at the moment because he has to go down the hall to have his lawn mown by the laser hair remover on staff. Adrienne supervises the procedure, belittling the patient and cackling at his pain. Zap! Dr. Paul objects when Adrienne compares him to the buffer and less hirsute Mauricio; Adrienne snarks back that Dr. Paul is always comparing him to Kyle and her extensive culinary repertoire. Someone needs to tell Adrienne that Kyle’s chef is Mr. Costco and he’s not only cheaper than Bernie the Enforcer, he’s also readily available to the masses during normal business hours and does not post personal information about his customers on Facebook. I’m sure Maloof Handbags can spring for a business membership. Dr. Paul gets zapped on the earlobe and yowls in agony. Remind me: who is the abusive one in this relationship? ZAP!
Back in Vegas, the ladies are gathering in The Glands’ suite for dinner. Everyone is so dolled up – most are in cocktail dresses, Lisa’s in a leopard blouse and painfully tight skirt. Marisa immediately pours red wine down the front of her white Alaia dress which is really going to improve her attitude. Everyone flies into a panic, but Marisa has the answer: it seems Barbra Streisand once cleaned her mother’s dress by pouring white wine on the red wine stain. I have heard this works, but the rest of the ‘Wives have their doubts. Someone really ought to ask Yo, because she’s not only the psychic descendant of Martha Stewart, but also has regular access to Babs and can probably phone her up on the cell she’s tinkering with at the dinner table. Unfortunately, though, Yo is swilling straight tequila (I guess the cleanse for her broken back is done) and is totally checked out on this crisis. Marisa misses the first course before materializing in some sort of toga. I guess the dress is soaking.
Talk turns to Kimmy’s nose job. While it may seem sudden to normal people, Kyle isn’t surprised by this spontaneous project as Kimmy’s a bit eccentric. Jennifer of Celebrity Rehab shares her expert thoughts on the risks of Kimmy taking any narcotic pain medication this newly sober. It seems the meds may “awaken the beast”. I’ve never really understood people’s addictions to Vicodin and that kind of stuff – I’ve taken it after my c-sections and all it’s done is constipate me. Good times. Yo, of course, has an opinion on this – that it is indeed too early, that Kimmy has not been sufficiently successful at staying sober in the past (didn’t they just meet?) and that Kimmy’s doctor can’t possibly be an expert in sobriety. I am thinking an LA-area plastic surgeon may in fact have extensive experience dealing with addicts. No use fretting about it now. They toast Kimmy’s new nose.