Why hello! Have you been watching Vanderpump Rules? I watched a whole episode last night for the first time and wow, I can physically feel how it has shortened my lifespan. The only ones I can tell apart are Scheana, because she looks like a Gremlin, and Stassi, because she looks like Chelsea Clinton with wet tube sock boobs. The rest (male and female) are totally interchangeable, and I think they all need to come to terms with their sexuality. And does anyone besides me think they cut out all the actual fighting because it was embarrassingly wussy? I’m envisioning the lost material being like a fracas between two Pee-Wee Herman type slappers.
* The big news of last week was the Adrienne/Brandi crisis making it to the cover of Us Weekly. I can only imagine this untimely bulletin posted this particular week because either Us ran out of Kardashian news, or because Adrienne just hired a publicist who immediately got to work getting her a cover story and arranging a pretend boyfriend to attract attention.
* In related news, Lil’ Rod has supposedly moved in with Adrienne. So I am just trying to understand this: Adrienne believes it would not be in her small children’s best interests to find out they were brought into this world with the assistance of alternative reproductive technology until they are at least ten. However, she thinks it would be perfectly fine for her much-younger brand-new made-for-magazines boyfriend to move in with her and the kids just six months or so after splitting with their dad? Not to mention the fact that I thought she was all Catholic and stuff. Regardless, Dr. Paul is fine with it and I suppose his opinion matters more than mine or yours.
* Speaking of things happening outside the bounds of traditional marriage, Jill ZAAAAAArin felt compelled to share her opinion that the Kardashian girls are bad examples to the world for getting knocked up out of wedlock. I am mostly surprised that anyone still cares what Jill thinks enough to have reported this outburst.
* In NYC, so far none of last season’s Housewives have gotten new contracts and they are supposedly all stressed out about whether they will be coming back. Filming is supposed to start March-ish.
* Tree and Melissa spent a good part of their weekends firing off dueling Tweets about their husbands’ Sunday meatballs.
* Down in Miami, one of the ‘Wives is suing someone for making defamatory comments about her on a blog. In the comments! Eeek! I don’t know the Miami wives apart and it sounds like it may be in everyone’s best interest to keep it that way.