Don’t you just hate it when your wretched alcoholic sister tells your vapid narcissistic sister that you shouldn’t be permitted to attend your own niece’s wedding because, as the relatively normal one in the family, you have consistently tried to do the right thing by providing tough love to a woman who has been a f*cking calamity for decades and that sort of honesty is seen as far too unseemly for a family that prides itself on fame brought about by inherited money and bl*wjobs caught on camera? Yeah, me too.

I have always failed to see the appeal of Kyle Richards and I’ve made my opinion about her crystal clear. While I don’t believe she is inherently evil or terribly stupid or actually out to cause massive amounts of harm, I still don’t like her. Could I perhaps work to be more tolerant of her throaty giggle and her look-at-me machinations? Of course I could, but tolerance takes energy and I’d rather exert that energy by buying boots. What I’m saying is that I … Continue reading →

Has it already been a year since a Restylane-stuffed monster sat on a velvet couch beside an alcoholic who was dressed like a marshmallow Peep and nodded approvingly as the alcoholic claimed to have never once struggled with her sobriety? Have almost 365 days and nights really passed since we last watched Kyle Richards fling back her long curtain of hair and proudly invite her dear friend Faye Resnick, the same woman who once capitalized on her friend’s murder by spreading it wide for Playboy, to come to dinner in her home? Have the shards of glass from the stemware Lisa Rinna broke during a screaming brawl with the most tragic child star of them all (and I’m including Leif Garrett in my countdown) finally been swept up and thrown away into a odorous garbage heap that looks an awful lot like Kim Richards’ face if you quickly glance at it in profile? And was there ever really a movie where soap queen Eileen Davidson appeared in a catsuit as a space alien or might … Continue reading →

Kim Richards, you are a thin-lipped, brain-fried terrifying speck of questionable humanity.

You deserve every bit of the verbal viciousness people currently enjoy heaving your way. You deserve for random viewers and your Bravo co-workers and the maître d’ at the Encino Chili’s to openly question your sobriety – because you forgot where you left it that time when you were high in public and while being paid to appear on a reality show about your life. You deserve all of the sh*t you are getting, and I kind of hope that someone even tosses gum into your hair while you’re crossing the street and that the gum’s flavor is Blue and that it stays gobbed against your scalp until the very last second of time. Because Kim? You are quite possibly the very worst person I have never met – and just so we’re clear, I’ve never met Robert Durst either, but I’d sooner dine with him on cheese that is passed its expiration date and braid the strands of hair still left on … Continue reading →