Kyle and Adrienne are meeting up for a little shopping at a posh kiddie boutique called Glen Kids. They have a whole wall of sock monkeys so I like this place. Adrienne is in a navy blue blazer, which looks weird on her, while Kyle has her usual caftany blouse on. These two are shopping for Adrienne’s birthday gift for lil’ Portia, and I think it’s all weird. When my kids’ birthdays roll around and someone asks me what to get them, I hem and I haw and I plead with them not to get anything before finally saying “okay, books are good. Or Legos.” I certainly don’t take them out to pick out my child’s gift. “Here: buy THIS.” But Kyle is okay with that, and suggests a pink tee with a fringe hem that looks like the stuff that hung off the end of my bicycle handlebars in the 70s and probably costs a zillion dollars. Adrienne is sold, and buys one for herself, too.

So why are we really here? Just to talk about the fact that Adrienne and Lisa are still not talking to each other and neither wants to go first. Adrienne thinks Lisa is being “immature”. I think if Adrienne won’t offer up an apology she acknowledges she owes to at least some degree, then she’s being pretty bratty, too. Kyle thinks Lisa is more sensitive than Adrienne is, which is probably true, therefore Adrienne needs to pull up her big girl britches and do more than send a turd-o-gram. Between Kyle and us, what Kyle really thinks is that Adrienne went too far and Lisa doesn’t owe her an apology at all. Oof!

Let’s visit Tay, shall we, and ask ourselves what in hell is wrong with her face in her intro pose? It’s all pinchy. Her mouth looks like a very pale anus wearing crystal pink Bonne Bell lipgloss. I digress…. Tay is having some of these people over for dinner and is slopping together some sangria or margaritas or something while the housekeeper cleans up after her. Should Tay really have a housekeeper given her current state of affairs? I’m sure she needs a keeper, but can she afford it? And it looks like she’s hired caterers, too? Good grief, can’t she make a quesadilla and heat some beans?

Anyway, Kyle, rumbly Mauricio, Cottontail, and lil’ Portia show up, and Cottontail looks THRILLED to be there. I can just envision the sullen texting that followed. Tay is way too excited to see them and is all full of Oklahoma shrieks in her patchwork strapless jumpsuit. The Oof-Ifs arrive next, arm in arm and looking cuter than we’ve ever seen them before, which is weird under the circumstances. Bravo is not making their Housewife’s case for her. Dr. Paul playfully tweaks Adrienne over her paltry food consumption and takes her helping of beans to make up for it. The magical fruit!

Seated at the dining table with Tay in her throne (tackiest dining set ever), Tay shares with the group that now that she’s dedicating her life to the cause of raising awareness of domestic violence, she wants Dr. Paul and Mauricio to sign up for some fundraising walk in Sacramento where they would have to walk a mile in a pair of women’s pumps. I Googled this event, and found it’s the International Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault, and Gender Violence, and they raise money for underfunded crisis clinics and shelters. Noble, indeed. The men are all too happy to get their ladyfeet on – too bad Frasier is not available to hop on the bandwagon because if I recall correctly he’s rumored to like womenswear himself.

After a break we return to a street scene which I have to mention because all of a sudden there’s a person of indeterminate gender and Crystal Gayle polygamist hair strutting along in a shiny blue up-the-butt gymnastics leotard, accompanied by a black man in Doug Henning’s backless unitard topped off by a fez perched at a jaunty angle. Is that NeNe Leakes? And speaking of men in drag, we’re here at an exotic dance shoe store with the Oof-Ifs so they can acquire Dr. Paul’s footwear for the big walk. Adrienne’s philosophy is “the higher the heel, the closer to God”, and she’s going to try to get Dr. Paul to embrace it himself. Dr. Paul wears a dainty 9 1/2 so he has a lot of options: red sparkly Dorothy-in-Oz Mary Janes, pink marabou mules, and silver moon boots. Dr. Paul decides to go with options A and C, as the mules are really meant for the boudoir. Adrienne gets herself a pair of the moon boots, too, to show her commitment to her man and the cause. This whole segment is so utterly normal (aside from the purpose of the errand) and paints such a regular picture of them as a happy, functional couple, it’s just hard to see how the wheels came off not long thereafter. Sigh.

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