And we’re back. Time for yet another party in the BH9. Before we get to lil’ Portia’s birthday extravaganza, here’s the Housewife roundup:

* The Oof-Ifs very quickly settled all aspects of their divorce last week! Taking a page from the TomKat playbook, it would seem. No sooner did that get finalized than Adrienne was hustling her son Christian to Mt. Sinai Hospital to be seen for three broken fingers and calling in child protective services, again, over an allegation that Dr. Paul was abusing the kid, again. Adrienne’s story was that Dr. Paul and Christian were “playfully kicking each other” when Dr. Paul shoved Christian to the ground. Dr. Paul’s version was that Christian fell off a step at the school carnival while the nanny was watching and Dr. Paul was buying tickets. Wildly differing, no? Anyway, CPS decided the allegation was unfounded and as it turned out Christian’s fingers were bruised, not broken, anyway. I’m sure there will be much more of this to come.

* Speaking of hospital visits, The Glands was rushed to one last week by Lisa and Mr. Lisa over a mystery illness. This summer The Glands had her mammo and was cleared except for a lump in her…. gland. Still not clear what this is all about. In other news, The Glands shared with some news outlet that when Mr. LeAnn left her for LeAnn she ended up penniless and homeless because they’d been living beyond their means so there wasn’t anything to get in the divorce. Which sort of explains the craphouse and makes me feel bad about the whole thing. But it sounds like she thinks it’s a craphouse, too.

* Down the coast, RHOC has started filming. Vic is definitely back, and apparently Alexass has pleaded her way back in, too, which certain makes it sound like the parting of the ways was a failed salary increase stunt on her part and she caved, versus the “I want time with my family” version of events she offered up at the time.

* And finally, DWTS veteran Joanna Krupa, now on RHOM, is apparently considering suing some other RHOM after that gal punched her on an episode this season. And the son of another RHOM who was sought for arrest for kicking a homeless man in the gonads on video has in fact been arrested. I am not watching this show. I have to draw a line somewhere and apparently I do so at the Mason-Dixon Line.

And away we go!

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