REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 12/17/12

The gals assemble in the much-discussed dining room, and just like at last year’s psychic party there’s an empty chair. Is that to bring back spirits, or just in case Adrienne shows up? Kyle has placecards so there must have been a plan for this. Supposedly this room has been totally redecorated (although it’s not done yet, Feige sniffs), but we don’t get anything like a good look at it and it looks completely the same to me. We review who is not here: Yo is at Donna Summer’s funeral. With all the hoopla about Nippy Houston I totally forgot Donna Summer died this year, too. Kim is in Vegas at the 21st birthday extravaganza, and Kyle’s all snippy about it because she wasn’t invited even though she was supposed to be and Kimmy’s pretending she was. And of course, Adrienne chose not to come and We All Know Why Glands.

The Glands meekly pipes up that she volunteered not to come so that Adrienne could, and understands that Adrienne is angry and upset. But no one except people who are related to her likes her, and she’s a liar! She doesn’t have a book deal, for one thing! Or at least she didn’t when they were all in Ojai but “she may have bought one since”. Your cue, Feige! Feige swiftly brings hammer #1 down on The Glands, who protests that the Oof-Ifs have “done many horrible things” to her and others. Like what? Feige wants to know. Name one! Well, The Glands can’t, because she’s now under a TRO or at least living in fear of one.

She does say that the Oof-Ifs called her twice to pressure her into participating in a plot against Lisa, but she wouldn’t do it so they turned on her. Lisa wants to know why this is any of Feige’s business, but it’s obviously Feige’s business because Feige is and has been and will always be Kyle’s mouthpiece which is why she will never become Full Housewife. Feige keeps on and on, pressuring The Glands to apologize and send flowers – even just an orchid, which is really more a houseplant than “flowers” – which The Glands won’t do because after sending flowers to Mr. Lisa on Mr. LeAnn Rimes’ house account she got busted and can’t do that anymore.

Lisa doesn’t know why The Glands has to send flowers when Kyle never sent flowers when she was the aggressor. Camille is getting a little hyped up now and I am cheering for her to pile on. Marisa pipes up to stick up for The Glands and Feige shuts her down because she’s interrupting her tirade. The Glands engages in “cruel behavior – needs a lot of attention – viciously attacked Adrienne – now no doubt going to viciously attack me” – wasn’t Feige sure OJ was coming after her next, too? I think Feige and Tay may be living in the same closet of delusion and exaggeration. After all that, The Glands has been beaten to a pulp and quietly offers that she’s not going after Feige. Feige says that’s a lie. The Glands slips out. It’s all sort of pathetic. Who’s the mean girl now?

Next time: Tay gets her house blessed, which doesn’t stop Collections from coming to take her wedding ring after she tried to settle her lawsuit with a bunch of fake Birkins. Camille shares her divorce woes, pre-Anderson appearance. And The Glands and Scheana have a sit down, perfectly leading into Lisa’s new spinoff, which starts January 7th.

Feliz Navidad, people! On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love – Mr. Andy – gave to me a night off from Real Housewives. I’ll see you in the new year.

Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
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