Happy new year! After two straight Mondays free of this absurdity I was perfectly horrified to see RHOBH scheduled for 2 HOURS of Vanderpumping bitchiness tonight. I strapped on my astronaut diapers and steeled myself for a long, painful, late night, and so could not have been more grateful when the storyline segued into the premiere of Vanderpump Rules at around minute 63, at which point I retired for the evening. As Melissa Gorga would say, thank you baby Jesus! Intrastaff sex and waitstaff catfights will have to wait another day, for me at least. While we were out:

* Feige, who appears to have finally made it to FOH this season after years of striving, posted her first blog entry (about Kyle’s dinner party) on the Bravo website only for it to be taken down after a deluge of angry commenters descended. I think that is a first for In related news, BH police are investigating a death threat Feige received in the form of a note left on her car, which would have required the author to somehow gain entry to Feige’s gated residence in order to deliver the goods. ‘Twasn’t me, and OJ is still in jail. I’m sure she’s blaming The Glands.

* In other west coast news, Vicki spent NYE in Deer Valley, UT with the Dubrows and…. Donn2! Who she supposedly was no longer seeing. It would seem she’s seeing him somehow. Age does not always impart wisdom.

* The biggest Housewives news of the holiday break was of course former NY Wife Bethenny Frankel’s separation and now impending divorce from the man she married on television for all of us to watch and judge, Jason Hoppy. Proving once again that there is nothing more toxic for a marriage than being cast on a reality television program. I really hoped they would make it (if for no other reason than to prove Bethenny’s bitchy mom wrong, which I would have thought motivation enough for Bethenny to stick it out) and feel sorry for the whole family, including his parents who seem like nice regular people.

* Down the coast in semi-related news, former DC Wife Cat Ommanney delivered her third daughter, Isabelle. Isabelle’s father is Cat’s new boyfriend, because as we may foggily recall her Bravo-era husband left her shortly before the reunion taped. Us magazine observed that four of the DC marriages have dissolved – Cat, the Salahis, the Amons, and the Turners – which as far as I can figure out means a 100% marital failure rate, unless I am forgetting someone from that highly forgettable season. Unfortunate, and speaks for itself.

* Among our most southern Wives, the happy news is that Phaedra Parks is pregnant with baby #2, and NeNe Leakes is engaged to her former husband, Gregg.

* Nothing very important or interesting is happening in New Jersey – Gorgas and Guidices on the outs for the holidays, more of the same. Keeping sprinkle cookies to oneself. Snore.

Let’s move on.

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