We resume where we left off in Kyle’s underwhelmingly redecorated dining hall where Feige is once again sniping and snapping at poor Glands. It’s like watching a vicious alpha Dachshund go after a cowed beta Whippet. The Glands tearfully announces that she’s leaving, and Feige snarks that she wonders what horrible things The Glands is now going to say about her. The Glands responds that she does not intend to go after Feige, to which Feige replies “I’m sure you don’t, love.” There’s nothing more obnoxious than people using terms of affection with sarcasm.
Kyle chases The Glands out and now there are two jumpsuits sitting on the curb in BH. Acknowledging she behaved badly, The Glands feels her issues with Adrienne are legitimate and defensible, and Feige has no business butting herself in. Kyle seems to agree although she certainly doesn’t want to take THAT on with Feige. Our little Kyle is just stuck in the middle. When she hugs poor Glands goodbye it’s like a giraffe smooching a chimpanzee. A regular Animal Planet tonight!
Back inside, Lisa wants to know why this is Feige’s business – wouldn’t we all like to know that. The other ladies gently agree that The Glands at least knows she was in the wrong and she should just be given time to fix it in the appropriate way. Feige cattily announces that she may send The Glands flowers – perhaps an orchid! Oh, Feige! Be nice! Feige blithely dismisses The Glands’ distress and patronizingly informs Lisa that her support of her friend is “sweet”, but her friend is not a nice person. Lisa quickly responds that it wasn’t “sweet” of Adrienne to make remarks that hurt Lisa’s livelihood, how about that? Feige don’t care – she thinks The Glands is doing Lisa’s dirty work. The whole evening is ruined, but at least the food was good, or so they say.
Enough of that, let’s go visit Tay’s temporary residence, shall we, where she’s juicing. (See, Tay’s now a spokesperson for ViSalus and this is an action shot.) The doorbell rings and Tay goes to answer it, clutching a small fuzzy dog clearly acquired since the dogmissive Mr. Armstrong departed. Tay’s visitor is some psychic associated with the AGAPE church, one Michael Beckwith, and the dowager empress herself, Oprah, and was “sent” to call upon Tay. Is the psychic on a mission from Oprah? I don’t recall house calls from a possessed psychic being among Oprah’s favorite things for 2012, but will have to ask my military spouse friend who was a beneficiary of Oprah’s munificence, receiving among other loot an electric scooter, a Moscow Mule-blending kit, a mattress, a trip to Fiji, and a pair of bedazzled Michael Kors high tops.
ANYWAY: this bat is here to deliver a psychic blessing, and if anyone needs that it’s certainly Tay. The psychic hands Tay a black rock to “discharge negativity”, and keeps dwelling on the “discharge” aspect and I wish she’d pick a different word. Tay asks the psychic whether her looming legal crisis is going to go away, and the psychic begins to twitch and jerk. “Father – is it going – yes – no – a settlement is going to be reached – yes father – is it – yes – no – a settlement is going to be reached”. She then shakes the magic 8 ball and confirms yes, the future looks clear. With that settled, Tay and the psychic parade through the house, ringing a bell and spraying Febreze. The psychic tells Tay that later she’ll share what really happened to Princess Diana – “because she told me”. I certainly hope Tay shares that tidbit with us in her Bravo blog. Why is it that psychics and reincarnates only connect with the most glamorous personalities who just happen to speak their own native tongue? Why doesn’t the psychic, for example, commune with depressive pygmies or weary reindeer-herding Laplanders who have messages to share from the Great Beyond?
Over at Kyle’s, she and new FOH Marisa are doing a little yoga with a heavily mascaraed male celebrity yogi, and proceed to yammer all the way through Warrior Two as he struggles to adjust their chakras. Marisa is on Team Glands and thinks Feige should have stayed out of “the situation that had arised”. She and Glands really have a lot in common – they are friendly, devoted to their kids, and share a mutual disregard for the conventions of grammar. Marisa thinks Feige is a pain, and didn’t really take to Tay or Camille because they weren’t too friendly. The battle lines are drawn, with Kyle at the center, just how she likes it. The yogi sticks his fingers in his ears while assisting Marisa’s pose. OHM.
Meanwhile, The Glands is hooking up with Lisa at a little boutique that sells sparkly belts as convertible tube tops/skirts. Even The Glands won’t try that on. She’s over the events of the dinner party because The Glands realizes she went too far and was in the wrong, and the Chick With The Dick was just being Adrienne’s loyal friend, fair enough. Can’t that be the end? Lisa wants to change the subject and seamlessly transition the plotline over to SUR, where that tramp waitress Scheana who slept with Mr. LeAnn wants to have a wine summit with The Glands and sort things out. Will The Glands do it? Pretty please, Lisa begs, blinking her elephant eyelashes becomingly. (Again with Animal Planet!) Despite the fact that Scheana is a “hooker” who ruined The Glands’ family while she was pregnant, then cried on Access Hollywood about it, the starf%cker, The Glands will do it, for Lisa. The things we do for friends who are getting spinoff shows. Sigh.