Anyway. We’re back at SUR where The Glands is wrapping things up with Big-Eyed Scheana. They part ways and The Glands hops around the corner to partake of a large glass of rose with Lisa and review the interaction. Overall The Glands thinks Scheana is “a little bit of a lost soul” as evidenced by the fact that she kept things up with Mr. LeAnn even after she found out he was married and his wife was pregnant. I’d agree that shows a significant absence of self-respect. The Glands really can’t be bothered to get worked up about Scheana in particular because there were at least 99 others Mr. LeAnn was poking at the same time. But at home, Mr. LeAnn was “perfect” and told The Glands she was pretty every day. Now The Glands is worried she’s doomed to shrivel up and die an old maid. Lisa reassures her that she can live in her guest house and yes she does like The Glands better than her employee. BTW, I have not been able to watch the whole first episode of Vanderpump Rules, have you? I can’t tell any of them apart at all. That Stassi reminds me of Chelsea Clinton until she opens her mouth and all the stupidity falls out.
Over at Yo’s, Kyle stops by and finds Yo out in the gardens picking lemons, again. Yo has got a lot of lemons, and you know what they say about that! Make limoncello! At least that’s what I would do – Yo chooses to cleanse. A lot. After doing the “master cleanse” and consuming nothing but lemons for ten days, she’s hooked. And trying very hard to hook Kim, but Kim keeps bailing on their cleanse dates. I don’t really get why Kim needs to show up in person to launch into the master cleanse – she can google the recipe as well as anyone else and endure the misery at home, thank you. Kyle doesn’t really get the attraction of cleansing but does get the MIA Kim issue. She shares that when they were little she thought Kim was as magic as her character in Escape to Witch Mountain, and that they used to get into blood-drawing, clawing and biting fights. Some things never change. Yo thinks that if Kim does a cleanse it will “make Kim make new choices in life”. That’s a lofty promise.
A unicyclist pedals by as we change venue to Kim’s new rental. She’s arranging cookies that she baked herself and welcoming her life coach, Gary. Gary praises her aura. He’s there to help Kimmy “cope, communicate, find structure, and breathe”. If Kimmy does the master cleanse will it help her learn to breathe on her own? They talk about Kimmy and Kyle’s mutual resentments. Kimmy is still hurt about their season 1 fight, which she thinks should have been handled in private and she’s probably right but then where would that leave us, the viewers? This is boring, and I can’t believe she pays Gary for this. I think I should be paid for listening, too.
It must be the next day because Lisa has changed clothes into an old-lady floral blouse, too-tight white jeans (white doesn’t look good that tight), and drag queen platforms she borrowed from Dr. Paul. She stops by Villa Blanca to check on things and no one is there but a couple of Japanese tourists. The executive chef brings a sample of his new version of a California roll: flattened beef with crab risotto rolled up. Delicious, I am sure, but I bet the tourists would be appalled and very confused. Lisa snips and snipes about the flowers before heading home, where Mr. Lisa has been very busy hanging and decorating a pink garden swing as a big surprise! See, Lisa loves swings, but she hates surprises. The fact that there’s a pink adirondack chair for Giggy and a flowerbed shaped like a rose makes it okay. Mr. Lisa and Giggy are wearing matching pink outfits for the presentation, which is when Mr. Lisa makes his real pitch: he thinks that he and Lisa should renew their vows for their upcoming 30th anniversary. Lisa is not convinced, because a vow renewal might require re-consummation, plus she had been thinking they might try swinging swinging (you know, the kind with key parties and smoking doobies) now that the kids are moved out. But she’ll think about it. This is seriously the most boring BH episode ever.
So after the last fiasco of a dinner party she hostessed, Kyle’s decided to have another one, but this one will be co-hostessed with new FOH Marisa so it won’t be like her usual parties. I seriously hope this means Feige will not be there. They are rounding up their guests at a Moroccan restaurant which means everyone has to sit on the floor, so Kyle calls everyone to warn them to dress appropriately. The one time I dined at a Moroccan restaurant was also the one time I saw a man in assless chaps get out of a taxi, and really I wouldn’t put it past some of these broads to go assless themselves so I’m glad Kyle is calling with a dress code. Kyle herself is wearing a strapless maxidress and I do think this is the best she’s ever looked. Perhaps the work has already been done. The limo pulls up at Marisa’s house and what in hell? Isn’t she a realtor married to the scion of a big Hollywood production family? I thought we were at The Glands’ rental at first. Something does not add up here, but out comes Marisa in a green caftan and 80’s makeup and sure enough it does look as though she lives here. Huh.
Everyone else meets them at the restaurant, and wouldn’t you know it but no one called The Glands to tell her to remember her pants. She’s in a skintight snapping turtle, ooops! Kyle tells The Glands not to worry because Adrienne isn’t going to be there, but The Glands already knows because her lawyer told her. See, the Oof-Ifs have issued The Glands an ultimatum: she can sign an agreement not to talk about them further, or she can be sued to get a restraining order. The Glands doesn’t say what she decided to do, but since she’s already spent $2000 on this lawyer and isn’t too happy about it it sounds like she’s going to sign and make it go away.