The Pumps show up in their signature pink, Yo wears tight silver pants that look singularly unsuitable for sitting on the floor, Tay forgot her bra, and oh dear, Kim – is that a nipple? Men are coming tonight, too – Marisa has invited her painfully shy brother Paul and her husband Dean who is SO EXCITED to be there! Yo corners Kimmy and asks why she has not showed up for their meetings to cleanse. Kimmy has no idea what she’s talking about and can’t do a cleanse because she’s supposed to be eating and getting her metabolism back on track. Yo is irked because they planned to suck lemons together at least three times. Both think the other is crazy. I cannot believe this is what’s passing for action this week.
The belly dancers come out and Kyle goes carazy, whipping her hair and resisting the urge to splits. Camille is getting all season 1 disco on us, while Yo, who was married to an Arab therefore knows all about the culture, is having a hard time forcing a single into her dancer’s bra.
Kim and Kyle have their little private, relevant, tearful moment in which Kimmy apologizes to Kyle for her drunken behaviors, and Kyle shares in an ITM that it won’t matter at all how sorry Kim is if she doesn’t stay sober. Kimmy explains that she thinks their mutual resentment comes from Kyle’s resentment at Kim’s drinking, and Kimmy’s resentment for how Kyle treated her when she was drinking. Sounds about right. Kimmy is finding Kyle cold and is upset over it. Kyle doesn’t trust her, and does not apologize back. They need to rebuild their friendship. Haven’t we had this conversation before?
Speaking of drunk, Tay’s yaowling across the room at “Leeza” that she wants someone to find her a “Ken”. See, she’s NOT DATING, she shouts, because it makes her feel GUILTY. If she’s NOT DATING then what exactly is she doing with her LAWYER? Tipsy Tay gets all boozyweepy about how she still loves Russell, but she also hates him, and she’s mad at him, and he told so many lies and she innocently was left to fight all his battles. Camille is encouraging this and I wish she would stop. Tay’s starts shouting for “LEEZA” to get her a WAITER to refill her GLASS.
Across the room, I have no idea why but the idiots are talking about the Oof-If/Glands lawsuit situation. Oh, Lord, please do NOT. Mauricio has no pity at all and thinks The Glands should have the balls to call to apologize. The Glands gets wind of the conversation and protests that she tried to call but then stopped when she got a letter from the Oof-If’s legal counsel. Mauricio thinks who cares, she should totally disregard legal advice, take her fate in her hands with the highly litigious Oofs, and demand to be put through. “Leeza” can’t understand why this is happening because as we all recall, last season Adrienne herself said that friends don’t sue friends. Realizing she’s sort of tangentially becoming relevant, Tay pipes up that that’s right! And when she was wronged, no one made a case that she should be apologized to! The Glands wants to leave and I want to go too but Tay clutches her with her bony claws and holds her down. Camille agrees that as single ladies, they need to learn to be strong alone. What the hell is going on here? I am expecting Wilson Phillips to stroll in at any second.
Mr. Leeza and Mauricio continue to argue about why The Glands said ___________. The Glands helpfully explains that she said _______________ because Kyle asked a question, and The Glands answered. In other words, it’s your wife’s fault! Mr. Leeza thinks that if The Glands’ lawyer said not to call, she shouldn’t. I love Mr. Leeza for defending the woman rather than attacking – chivalry, thy name is Pump! Plus, Mr. Leeza shrugs, __________ is true and they all know it. Leeza shushes him down so they don’t get sued, too. Mauricio totally thinks The Glands should not listen to her lawyer, she should listen to him because he has four daughters who get amazing grades. What does that have to do with anything, and just because Portia is getting an “E” for sitting on her mat well in Circle Time he gets an opinion?
The Glands doesn’t think she has to apologize because after all, Adrienne never called and apologized for bullying her. Kimmy pipes up that The Glands has a pattern of throwing out untrue things and needs to deal with the consequences. The Glands argues that what she said about Kimmy was not untrue, but actually “incorrect”, and now we’re splitting hairs. “Leeza” wants to know what about meeeeeee! Adrienne never apologized for accusing her of selling stories to RadarOnline. “Who cares about selling stories!” Mauricio shouts. “STFU!” yells The Glands. Oooh, girl, you know them’s fighting words. “Who wants dessert?” asks someone’s date.
Next week: there’s a hideous art show, and Mauricio and Mr. Leeza try to make up. Will they succeed? And the Oof-Ifs come to dinner Chez Umansky. And, scene.
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/thislittlemama
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/This-Little-Mama/245392435770