Speaking of Ms. Oof, she picks just this moment to materialize in a black jumpsuit, wig askew and missing part of her look, I am not sure what parts. She collapses in an emotional heap with Kyle and Kim, who oddly enough has spent the last few days sharing with whichever media will listen that she’s currently on OK terms with everyone except Adrienne. Not sure what happened there, nor do I really care. Anyway, here comes Adrienne’s big friend who told us the real problem is Adrienne thought Paul was an attention whore, and her dress is all coming undone in the back as she nearly upends the couch diving onto her girl. Adrienne tells us that she’s all worked up about being away from her kids and her eyes are really wonky. “I wanted to support… you know…. [Who? The Pumps? Gee, thanks! says Mr. Lisa]…” so she told her kids she and the dad were calling it quits and then went out while they cried. What about Paul, asks big girl friend. Meh, says Adrienne. He’s willing to go to counseling, but whatever. Anyway, she doesn’t want to ruin Lisa’s day, Feige having nearly accomplished that already, so she’s going to leave now and be mad Lisa didn’t come fawn all over her and asks Kyle to give the Pumps her regards. Gee, thanks again!
Yo, predictably, has an opinion on the rightness or wrongness of Adrienne’s party appearance, telling Marisa that she thinks Adrienne is on a high horse and has had so many chances to sort out her relationships with the ladies that showing up now was hardly the time. She thinks everyone is done with the whole subject of Adrienne, which we are, and that Adrienne shows up now because she’s an instigator. “If you don’t like fighting, don’t instigate fights,” opines Yo. True dat, says Marisa. Yo thinks the day you get served with separation papers is a good day to stay home and reflect. AMEN.
So now that Feige and Lisa have pooped all over her party Lisa retreats to the boudoir to hide before the next shoe drops, but The Glands comes to find her, pink liquid courage in hand. Lisa isn’t sure this vow renewal is the right tone now that her party has been derailed by crying and bickering. The Glands tells her to put on her big girl panties, the ones she’s lately been wearing on the outside of her pantyhose as she rehearses for DWTS, and do it, because if she doesn’t The Glands is going to marry Mr. Lisa herself and then they’ll really have to get a spinoff, The Big Pump of Love. “Do it for our boyfriend!” The Glands shrieks. “He’s going to die soon!” I beg your pardon, says Mr. Lisa.
So the vows get renewed. The priest blesses the house as well as the Pumps, and Giggy of course. Mr. Lisa commits to continuing to obey Lisa. Lisa thanks Mr. Lisa for believing in her more than she has believed in herself, and for marrying her when she was merely an impressionable babe in the British woods. They smooch. The Glands hoots. Does Giggy ever bark? Camille praises the vow renewal as being heartfelt, loving, and reaffirming, and I must agree. I am also reminded that they have those awesome Jesus-free pillar candles at the dollar store and I meant to get a large supply.
Someone brings out the Costco cake and there’s the requisite cake smashing to much laughter and applause. After Mr. Lisa smashes Lisa’s face with a big hunk Lisa turns and head butts Kyle, smearing her face with the remaining frosting, and to never one to leave a scene uncrashed Tay demonstrates how much she can shove into her cavernous horse mouth to the delight of some and horror of others.
So where are we now that it’s all said and done? Lisa’s Dancing with someone named Gleb; Kyle’s store is turning over caftan after used caftan but she’s not lunching with Lisa even though she’s right around the corner; Yo is struggling with Lyme disease; Dr. Paul’s dating a 27-year-old Miss Nevada while Adrienne is dating 32-year-old Lil’ Rod, or so she wants us all to think; Tay’s involved with her still-married attorney; The Glands turned 40 and Dr. Paul came to her party at SUR, which cannot have been as awesome as my surprise 40th, thank you Mr. Little Mama; and Kimmy survived her appearance on the diving show, coming in last. Lisa is distant from Kyle, sad for Adrienne, but oh well. THE END. Stay tuned for the reunion!
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
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Thank you again for your spot on recaps! I really enjoy reading what we see on show and you say. Fegie is such an aggrivating pill! Love YO for calling everyone out! Check out Lisa and ken’s kiss. That’s how I kiss my husband when I’m in a passive aggressive mood…tight lipped. Minecraft on all day here too!! Thanks again!!