REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 12/17/12

Like I said, the Oof-Ifs are still screaming at The Glands about how she sleeps until 3 pm while drugs simmer in her crock-pot. I personally have a nice black bean chili simmering in mine. Adrienne sniffs in her confessional that The Glands is reckless and doesn’t care about anyone’s reputation, just about getting attention. It’s certainly starting to sound like Adrienne cares an awful lot about people’s reputations and how to foul them up, but more on that later.

So just in case we forgot about her, Tay starts exhibiting PTSD after witnessing Dr. Paul calling The Glands a bad name. She’s shaking and quivering in fear and her pocket gay is searching for smelling salts in case she collapses from the trauma. I think Adrienne is not the only one who needs to STFU. Adrienne’s still ranting and raving and shrieking and fuming about the crock pot full of drugs as Dr. Paul shoves her out the exit door.

For her part, Kyle is FURIOUS with Kimmy for having stirred this pot. Kimmy felt that Adrienne deserved to know immediately that she was walking into a party of people who had all heard ___________ and The Glands is going to be here who said it and Adrienne should know before she’s accidentally nice to The Glands who said ____________. Kyle thinks the fact that everyone heard _____________ from The Glands, who is present, has nothing to do with why the Oof-Ifs were here; they were coming for a party that’s all about Mauricio and Kimmy should have let it be All About Mauricio and kept her mouth shut until a more appropriate time and place. I have to agree with Kyle on this one; Camille totally agrees with me and Kyle, and can’t understand what has happened to lead The Glands and the Oof-Ifs to this mutual precipice. Methinks a lot, but mefurtherthinks “a lot” will not be defined on camera due to threats of frivolous litigation.

With Kimmy and Kyle arguing, Tay is once again not getting tended to adequately, so she drags the issue back to herself, per usual. Tay would NEVER talk about the skeletons in other people’s closets. (Because using a gestational carrier is such a closet skeleton. So much shame in it, whereas sticking pillows in your clothes for photos and telling your kid that’s you in mommy’s tummy would be very normal in this day and age.) The whole situation just makes Tay uncomfortable. “It’s not about you, Taylor,” Kyle snipes. Camille totally calls Tay out for steering the topic back to herself, and observes that Adrienne doesn’t share anything, but Tay overshares. Holla! There’s disagreement about whether bringing up ____________ was malicious gossip or The Truth. It doesn’t really matter at this point, and if The Glands could take it back she would. And Kimmy should not have stirred it up. The Glands and her pocket gay leave. The End For Now.

Back at Villa Rosa, the Palais Du Pump Du Jour, the blissfully uninvolved Lady and Lord Pump are having their gate replaced. Martin, the long-haired Amis-type that the Pumps mistakenly tried to set up with Kimmy back when she was on the booze, has swung by to check things out with The English Patient, who is summoning Lady Pump on her celly to bring him a spot of tea and find some biscuits cause Goldilocks has been eating them all up. Mr. Lisa just likes to wind Lisa up, and she knows it. My dad used to like to do that to my mom by refusing to trim his eyebrows; I sent him to my kids’ barber, Barber Dave, when he was visiting once and called Dave while my dad was en route to tell him he had to deal with the eyebrows. My dad told Barber Dave he specifically let them get woolly just because it drove my mother bananas. 40 years of marriage is a long time… Anyway, flowers arrive from “Mrs. Cibrian” and Lisa is pretty sure LeeAnn Rimes is not sending Mr. Lisa flowers. They are lovely, and they are from The Glands, whose note parts with “I love you”. Lisa sniffs. Mr. Lisa preens.

People are riding tricycles at the beach and Kimmy is at Pilates Plus with her daughters, Brunette and Blonde, talking about her sobriety and how she’s going to handle an upcoming trip to Vegas for Son #1 or #2’s 21st birthday. Who takes their mother with them to Vegas for their 21st birthday celebration, whether newly sober or entertainingly inebriated? That’s just stupid. Oh, and Kimmy really thinks it’s all Kyle’s fault that the fracas broke out at the rooftop reception, because it was Kyle who asked The Glands what the problem was between her and Adrienne in the first place. THAT was how the fuse got lit. Which may be true, and certainly helps move the sisters-at-war storyline along, doesn’t it?

Back at Kyle’s, the lady of the house is lounging abed in a one-shouldered gown, conferring with Lil’ Portia about her school report, because that’s how moms dress for school conferences. Rumbly Mauricio has arrived home, so they sit a spell on the pristine white couch and confer over upcoming RHOBH taping assignments. It seems Kyle was scheduled to hostess a dinner party in her newly redecorated dining room before the Disputed Fact That Dare Not Be Repeated Aloud was exposed and repeated, and now she doesn’t know what to do about both The Glands and Adrienne being on the guest list. Rumbly Mauricio is clearly Not Into It after the rooftop fiasco, plus he’s Team Oof-If generally as the Oof-Ifs have desirable real estate they may, at some point, possibly a point coming sooner rather than later, consider listing with him, whereas The Glands does not. Kyle is torn. She’s so in the middle of everything!