Why hello! Have you been watching Vanderpump Rules? I watched a whole episode last night for the first time and wow, I can physically feel how it has shortened my lifespan. The only ones I can tell apart are Scheana, because she looks like a Gremlin, and Stassi, because she looks like Chelsea Clinton with wet tube sock boobs. The rest (male and female) are totally interchangeable, and I think they all need to come to terms with their sexuality. And does anyone besides me think they cut out all the actual fighting because it was embarrassingly wussy? I’m envisioning the lost material being like a fracas between two Pee-Wee Herman type slappers.

Anyway:

* The big news of last week was the Adrienne/Brandi crisis making it to the cover of Us Weekly. I can only imagine this untimely bulletin posted this particular week because either Us ran out of Kardashian news, or because Adrienne just hired a publicist who immediately got to work getting her a cover story and arranging a pretend boyfriend … Continue reading →

Greetings, and welcome back. Today I will attempt to inject some much needed levity into another otherwise utterly humorless episode of RHOBH. But first, the news:

* Adrienne wants the whole world to know that she’s a cougar and has taken up with none other than Rod Stewart’s 30ish son, whose name I can’t be bothered to look up so we’ll call him Lil’ Rod. A reader has suggested the nickname “OofWart” for them, which I also like. (I am aware Steve has another reader who doesn’t like my Housewife nicknames, but I do and many of them are easier to remember than the actual names of people, so since I’m the one schlepping through this silliness week in and week out I’m going to keep on doing what keeps me amused and hope most of you like it, too.) Anyway. Interestingly, Adrienne’s little relationship was first scooped guess where? RadarOnline! Followed very shortly thereafter by the first (very staged) OofWart photos in the same publication. Really makes you wonder who, between Adrienne and Lisa, … Continue reading →

Hi ho hi ho! You’re back, and so am I. Here’s the news:

* It seems Vic wiped out and injured her neck during her NYE ski trip with the Dubrows and Donn2. Can’t you just hear the yowling now?

* In other “active” news, Melissa Gorga is hinting on Twitter that she and Joe are making a fitness DVD. Speculation abounds that she isn’t really making a video, but is just trying to one-up Teresa who supposedly is going to make a video as part of her “Skinny Italian” empire. I think both ladies should be advised that the market for this is nil and focus on making sprinkle cookies for their PTG bake sales.

* In other New Jersey news, Danielle Staub Tweeted a photo of herself in a white lacy cocktail dress over the weekend, further hyping speculation that she is returning to RHONJ and was dressed as such to attend Gia “Puff Tweeny” Guidice’s all-white 12th birthday party. Champagne snowball!

* Back in California, the Maloofs are supposedly thisclose to … Continue reading →